My thoughts on life....

Get it right

2012-01-28T12:03:00.001-07:00

I LOVE this song! It means so much to me right now. It's very much how I feel.

It's time

2012-01-26T21:14:00.005-07:00

Well as always it's been forever since I posted on here, I'm not even sure if anyone even reads anything on here. So much has changed and I will hopefully get back to it soon. Right now it's about me. I made a resolution to better ME and to make me the me I want to be. I can't tell you how many things I don't like about me because I don't have enough time. Maybe the better statement should be I can't tell you what I like about me. SO much has happened in my life that I've just let happen and then bury it like it was nothing thinking if I forgot about it then it'd go away. Well obviously it doesn't and it just gets worse and worse until it consumes you then you can bury it and think it goes away and it again comes back. It's a stupid vicious cycle that I'm tired of living. To be completely honest I've been "damaged goods" for quite some time. I'm pretty sure that's the main reason why I'm so over weight. Have you ever heard the song, "Unpretty"? there's a line in it that says, "My outsides are cool but my insides are blue." that's how I've been living my life. Just going along not quite happy like I've wanted to be. Then I got married and thought everything really was in the past only to have it come back along with other things that come along with marriage. Then kids and all the things that come with them. Sure I've had joy in my life, a lot of it and I have had happy and wonderful times but at the end of the day laying in bed I still wasn't....aren't happy. Then the wreck happened and it literately took of everything I thought I had control over and threw it in my face. I again did what I do best and just sucked it up and pretended everything was ok when it wasn't. I've been dealing with that for so long I just figured I'd always have to. I've never been one that likes to drive on icy roads or snow covered roads but after the wreck it was intensified. I just thought it was something I'd get over. Then I was in the car one time with my sister in law Katie and she said I think you have PTSD. I'm like that's silly. I only went through a stupid wreck. I pushed it away making it seem like everything was ok but then in my mind I was thinking, "crap I think she's right." That was 2 years ago and still here I sit NOT dealing with it and it taking over my life. It wasn't until I recently went to Boise for a thing for my business that it really hit me that I needed to deal with this before it swallowed me up. I went with my brother, Kilby and his wife Katie. We were having a great time and I thought it'd be a fun and great trip, then we hit snow and ice on the freeway and my cool composer went away in a blink of an eye. I had to pull over and have Kilby drive. I still was freaking out and the anxiety was insane. So then I plugged my ears, closed my eyes and put something over my eyes so I couldn't see. It helped but still I was crying and sweating and on the verge of throwing up, to the point I was swallowing it down. I didn't want them to see me like this. I was suppose to be a cool composed person not this one freaking over stupid ice and slick roads. I felt like I was on the verge of having a heart attack or passing out. It was then that it hit me. This is NOT normal. I shouldn't have to feel this. It's time. So I made a vow to myself to finally find someone to help me with that. I talked with the kids therapist the next Thursday and explained things to her. She agreed I needed therapy and said she'd get back to me. I don't have insurance and so I haven't been able afford it, which is one of the many reasons I've put it off. I told her that and asked if there was a way I could get some services for cheap or covered. I knew that interns do free counseling. I found out today she found a way where it'd be covered and that I could get the help I needed. I thought finally it's time. It's time to face everything I've be avoiding for YEARS! So she sat me down and we talked about things and just like that the anxiety came back and hit me in the face. I tried several times to push it back down to the cage I put it in and so secretly guard but she could see it in my face and called me on it. She said it's time to face that huge monster that has taken you over. It hit me so hard! I was on the verge of tears and just finally let a few through. It's SO hard for me to try to face all of this. But it needs to be done. I realized today that that car wreck holds SO much of me that I didn't know. It is effecting EVERYTHING, and I'm sure way more than I'm even realizing. SO today is the day, it's time. It's time to take back me and to make me the person I've wanted to be for years! I know it's going to be hard and I'm sure a lot is going to come out that I haven't wanted to for years but I want to be whole again. I want to be able to feel things and not have to push them down. I want to be able to tell the people I love that I love them and not feel like it was something huge. I want to be able to feel the spirit again, not just saying I am. I want to be moved to emotion with things I believe in not just things I care about. I want me to FEEL again. So I'm going to come here a lot and write down things this year. I can't keep it in, I just can't. It's time.....it's finally time.

It's been far TOO long!

2011-05-07T08:48:00.001-07:00

I first must apologize for not updating this often. I really want to get into the habit of doing it. Just wanted to say it's been long and I hope to come update with pictures SOON. Until then...

Much love!

Life is so INSANE!

2010-09-12T20:05:00.002-07:00

Well life still is crazy, but I guess if it weren't it'd probably be boring. I've posted so much about me and Tara lately that I wanted to do an update on EVERYONE.

Bryan's been doing ok. He's sick right now with his annual sinus infection. lol. I say annual because he gets one every year and is sick for about 2 weeks then he's good. He's getting ready to go to Wood Badge. I'm totally NOT looking forward to being alone. He leaves Wed this week and will get back late Sat, then Wed next week and get back Sat. He's excited about it. He sure loves scouting and anything to do with it. I love to see him so dedicated to it.

Jordan is doing good. Loving the 3rd grade. He's doing awesome, as I knew he would. I've been really really lucky with him. He's never really had to have me worry about him. He's just such a blessing to me. He's my little helper. Anyways, he is getting ready to start flag football. He's so excited. I'm excited to see him try something new. It's going to be insane the next few weeks. He'll have practices every Mon and Wed and games every Tues and Thurs. But with our stupid weather here it gets cold QUICK so they are jam packing the games in. He's excited. He's loving scouts still and doing so well at it. He earned his bobcat a month ago. I'm so proud of him!

Tara is doing ok. You all know what's going on. I think something is going ok and we're finally getting over something then something with happen and throw it all off. She's been having problems going to school since that incident. I'm thinking of maybe seeing if she can get a bus, that way she will be greeted at school by her teacher. I need to check and see what I need to do have that happen. We talked to her about wanting to go to school and such and it seemed to be starting to improve then she stayed the night with my sister and ended up having a seizure. I had really hoped we could be done with those for awhile, but I guess it was to be expected with all the stress going around. I'm really NOT wanting to put her back on her meds. I mean she's hard to deal without the meds and it can be stressful sometimes but at least she's MY Tara. The Tara that I know and love very much. With the meds it makes her so numb. Just not the Tara I know. An easier Tara and a much more laid back Tara, but not MY Tara. I think I'm going to start her on a low dose and see if that helps. I talked to the doctor and he agrees she needs to have therapy. So he's going to give us a referral to a pediatric therapist. I'm hopful that something will help. I wanted to get her into dance, even checked into it and filled out the paper work then I had this thought and a strong feeling that I needed to wait a few months and see how she did with school. I really didn't want to overwhelm her with things. I'm so glad I listened to that. I can't imagine how things would be with that much more stress and pressure. I'm hoping to pick it up in Jan. I think she'd love it, but she needs to be ready for it.

Paige is doing well. She's my little spit and vinegar. I was hoping to have her potty trained by now but it just isn't happening. She's been having some behavioral issues lately. I think it's just her wanting some attention with everything going on. I don't blame her but I wish she wouldn't do it. I'm going to try taking some time each week with each kid....I hope it can help them all. She's into princesses right now and so she's ALWAYS dressing up and being one. It's so nice to have a girly girl!

Alyssa just turned 4 months. I'm so upset about it. I can't believe how fast time is going! She's just a growing little weed! She just had her 4 month check up and is now 11.14 lbs. I can't believe that! She still hasn't rolled over yet, which I'm ok with. She has a little lag with her neck muscles, it's getting better but still taking a little longer than I thought. We're working on it though. She started laughing the other it's SO cute! It'll take A LOT to get her to laugh but when she does it's so worth it! She just makes my heart soar!

Well I'm doing ok, all things considered. I'm just trying to stay afloat, which is proving sometimes harder than I anticipated! I'm working on losing weight right now, it's a slow process but working. I'm hoping to be down to my goal weight in a year. I'd love to run a 5 and 10 K next year and then a half and full marathon the year after. Those are my goals. My back has been still giving me horrible problems. It seems to have gotten worse since having Alyssa. I'm going to go and get an update MRI and see what the status is after the pregnancy, that way we know how to treat it. My pain doctor has suggested steroid injections but that makes me SO nervous! lol. Anyways other than that I'm just staying busy with the kids and working at the apple. I'm going on 4 years now. That's so crazy! I love it there, but man it adds so much to my busy schedule! I'm toying with the idea of not resigning....just cause things are so insane. I don't know, it's still up in the air.

well that's what's going on, it's now taking me 3 hrs to get all this in. Alyssa has been sick lately she's so stuffy, even after cleaning her nose, she can barely breathe. Poor girl. Anyways I'm going to go to bed while she's asleep. Until the next update....

Much love!

Reflections of Motherhood

2010-09-09T19:52:00.000-07:00

I got this off a May birth board I chat with. So true!!!

Rereading....

2010-09-08T22:03:00.003-07:00

Do you ever go back through things, whether be a journal or blog, and reread things you've wrote? Lately with things all stressful and such I've been going back to when things were so much simpler and rereading things I've wrote. I've always liked to write but when I go back I think wow I LOVE the way I write, I should do it more often. LOL. Anyways I was going through somethings and came across Bryan's attempt at a blog...lol. I was doing this thing a few years ago where on my family's birthdays I'd post so many things about them. It was so fun coming up with things. Anyways I had asked Bryan to write it for me and he did. I just reread it and it made me smile and so I thought I'd post it here.

Old Fogey
So, since my 30th birthday was this past Saturday, the 1st of November, there have been several people that seem to find it extremely funny to call me an old fogey. The ironic part is, the people that call me that are older than I am. Anyway, for those of you who haven't reached this golden age where your body decides that it wants to start doing different things than it's done in the past, like sagging in certain areas of the torso and thinking that the trees have it right in changing colors with the seasons and your body thinks that changing your hair color to gray or silver is definitely keeping with the current fashion, here's a helpful tip as you get ready to turn 30. It's no different that being 20 except maybe, I repeat, maybe you're a little wiser. Let's face it, your body starts to make these changes before you're 30 and now your mind is just catching up with the signals your other departments have been sending it for the last 5 years or so. I guess the mentality of a teenager doesn't go away when you hit 20 after all.
Now that I've explained my mental and physical state, I'll move on with the much more important reason that I logged on to this blog tonight. In honor of my birthday, my beloved wife, Dana, posted 30 great reasons that she loves me. One for each year that I've been counted among the living, if only physically. So I have decided to return the favor and do the same for her. Ok, fine, I admit that she told me that it was my turn to reciprocate the favor and I would feel really guilty if I didn't since she asked me to and all. So here goes....

28 Random and interesting things about Dana:
1. She loves me for who I am and not for who she wants me to be.
2. She is the greatest mom my kids could have.
3. She puts up with me despite my many failings.
4. She likes to play WoW (World of Warcraft) with me.
5. She makes some of the cutest hair bows around.
6. She is VERY close to her family.
7. She keeps me from doing things that aren't necessary.
8. She is selfless.
9. She would do anything for those she loves.
10. She doesn't give up on things that she wants.
11. Her birthday is on Halloween but she devotes her time to the kids instead of focusing on her birthday.
12. She makes me laugh at least once a day.
13. She loves music.
14. She plays the trumpet.
15. She is the glue that keeps our family together.
16. She's obsessed with the internet, in a good way of course.
17. She's better at this blog thing than I am.
18. She LOVES the High School Musical franchise.
19. She doesn't like red meat, except for the occasional Big Mac now and then.
20. Her favorite color is purple.
21. She was born in Blackfoot and raised in the Snake River area.
22. Loves being a mom.
23. Her best birthday presents this year were Jordan losing his first tooth and Paige saying "Love you".
24. She has an older sister, Kelli, and a younger brother, Kilby. She also has an "adopted" younger sister in Kilby's wife, Katie.
25. She loves dressing Tara and Paige up and making them match.
26. All 3 kids have her wrapped around their fingers, and me wrapped around hers.
27. She gave up some friendships for me and our relationship. I'm not sure I'll ever know how much that really affected her.
28. Last, but not least, she's all mine!!!!

Love ya dearly Dana.

Me and Tara

2010-09-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

My wonderful sister in law gave me a link to this and said it reminded her of me and Tara. I listened to it and had tears in my eyes. It's so true. From the minute Tara was born I knew she'd be so much like me. I felt like my grandma, whom I was VERY close to and had passed my sophmore year, had blessed me with her. Someone to be there with me through everything that I could relate to. Thanks Katie for everything you do! I love you!

This talks to me

2010-09-08T20:25:00.001-07:00

With everything going on right now this has just spoke to me. I feel at peace when I listen to this. It's now my favorite song

Tara

2010-09-07T08:03:00.002-07:00

I had the most scary thing happen to me Wednesday. It was Donuts with dad, that's where the dad's take the kids to school have a donuts and milk or juice with their kids go to their classes and meet the teachers then leave when school starts. OK maybe I should back up first. Tara's NEVER been one that likes us to leave when we come to school. It's the reason I don't volunteer at all. She just has a problem with us leaving and screams and it just isn't worth it. anyways so Bryan took Tara to school and had a good time and when he left she was crying and such but he said he thought she'd be OK. I had planned on running to town and doing shopping and such for our camping trip for the weekend but after he had told me about the morning and how she just didn't want him to leave I got this huge feeling and thought I needed to take my time and maybe do things here. I thought it was weird but ended up doing that because I am once again sick. so anyways after I take some meds and such I feel better so I'm getting Paige and Alyssa ready, I had just got Alyssa up and was going to nurse her when the door opens. I'm thinking who in the crap is walking in my house??? And I look and it's Tara, coat and backpack on. I'm like Tara what in the world are you doing here?! She immediately runs to me and starts crying and saying mommy I missed you and love you and she is like latched on me so tight. I look out the front door and there's this strange guy standing there and says,"is that your daughter?" I said yes. He then says, "I live about 2 blocks south of sunrise (the school she goes to..btw we're north of the school) and saw her walking. She flagged me down and asked if she was still in Shelley. I asked if she was to be in school she said no and that she needed to find her mommy. she knew your name and your husband's name and directions to your house." I thanked him so much with tears in my eyes. Then he said sure anytime. Then I turn to Tara and she has this look of devastation on her face. So I have her come sit on my lap and talk to me and all she wants to do is latch on me and cry. so I ask her what happened and she said she wanted Bryan to stay with her but he left so she went out the door, through the gate where they come in at and tried to walk home. I then call the school to tell them what's going on and they are shocked to say the least. anyways i then call Bryan and tell him and he is shocked too. i just don't know what to do. So I get the other girls ready and I took them over to the school we talk to the principle and then try to take her back to school but she screams. so I gave her two options to either go to class with me or the principle she doesn't want to do any and just stay with me. so the principle comes out and says just go and I'm like um OK....she tries to run after me as I'm walking out and he ends up picking her up with her screaming mommy don't leave me mommy I need you. that's the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. I start crying. Now a little back ground. I remember so vividly my mom coming and helping when I was in first grade and then when she tried to leave I started crying and saying don't go and the teacher having to hold me while I kicked and screamed and cried watching my mom walk away. it was SO traumatic to me!! its the reason to this day i HATE being alone and I have such a HARD time when Bryan goes on camp outs or hunting or wood badge. i even still had a problem when i was in the 8th grade. I remember being sick and my mom getting me all ready and comfortable in her bed and her saying she needed to run to town and get my antibodies and pay a few bills and to just sleep i remember thinking to myself, "you can do this. it's OK she'll be back....don't panic" but before my mom even left the front door i was crying so hard and BEGGING her not to go and to just take me with me and not leave me alone. I ended up going with her sicker than a dog running a high fever. I just have never done good with that. I SWORE I would never do that to my kids that I'd make sure they wouldn't feel that way. I've hated how even moving out on my own and such is so hard for me. I hate how I can't be stronger for my kids and that I feel so alone when people leave me for short times. then when I had Tara and found out she was going to be the same way as me I was SO worried about her having the same thing happen to her in school as me and me ruining her life, so I swore I wouldn't do it to her, that she'd be through so much especially in the last few years that I would always make sure she felt secure and safe and not left there alone and scared. but it happened. I did it. I did what I said I'd NEVER do, and I'm not happy or at peace with it. the image of her being picked up and screaming will always be in my mind. even now, almost a week later I can't shake it. I can't seem to do ANYTHING. it's completely consumed me. did I do the right thing? is she going to be hurt to the point she'll never get over it? did i just damage her for the rest of her life? did i do something i thought was right that is going to end up being something so wrong? sometimes being a mom is so hard. i just don't even know what to do. i decided to come home and do things around here in case something happens, but I just can't seem to do that. I've spend the first 30 mins of getting home on my knees in tears begging to have peace and praying that Tara wont be hurt like i was. praying that I did do the right thing and to know things will be OK. I do feel like I did the right thing. I mean on one hand I can't just let Tara think she can try and get out and walk home and then stay home, I think that sends the wrong message. I think she needs to know no matter what she goes back to school. but I just can't get over that picture of her screaming in my mind. her devastated eyes looking at me with tears. it was like I was taking her heart out and just stomping on it. I just don't know what to do. I feel so lost.

Life

2010-08-31T20:04:00.002-07:00

Well I want so badly to be better at this but for some reason it just doesn't happen. I keep thinking, "When winter comes I'll be less busy, or when summer comes or when school starts" all that happens is I get more and more busy, how does THAT happen? I wish I knew because then I'd stop it! Anyways I'm am going to TRY and be better at updating this and taking time. I feel like this is a journal I can leave for my kids and I'm just not doing a good job. Anyways I wanted to say I'll be back SOON! Thanks for those that are around....which aren't many. Until next time......

Much Love!

Wow....slacking a bit

2010-06-29T05:15:00.003-07:00

wow I didn't realize it's been THIS long since I last posted. Life has gotten INSANE lately and it's all I can do to keep up with daily things. So much as happened since my last post. First and foremost (I'm sure most of you already know) We had our baby girl!!! Alyssa Jo Shigihara joined our family on may 5th and I just love her SO much. She'll be 2 months old next week and I'm seriously having issues with it. I don't want her to grow up and then again I do. It's SO hard. She started smiling lately and it's just so cute. And just the other day she started cooing when you talk to her. It melts my heart every time....The kids are doing good with her they love her. Paige will have her days that she just does NOT like her here but for the most part she just ignores her. lol. Tara's my little mommy. She LOVES helping out with her and begs to hold her all the time. Sometimes it's nice, others not so much. But it all works out in the end. Paige is doing good she's just been so active lately. She's been on this kick where she hasn't been eating very much and I'll admit I'm really worried about her. It's taken a lot to get her to the 27lbs she was and now in merely a month she's back down to barely 24. I'll be taking her to the allergist next week so we can see what she's allergic to and hopefully get things under control. I hate how her nose is always running! So icky and annoying. Tara's doing great. She just went to the allergist yesterday and it was a lot. They finally diagnosed her with asthma, they've been saying they think she has it for YEARS but finally we were able to prove she does now we can help her. I hated how just a little playing would make her wheeze and cough. She's now on so many meds it's silly. She'll take her nebulizor in the morning and at night, nasonex morning and night, singular at night, Zyrtec in the morning and then her seizure meds. I think that's crazy for how much she's on but if it helps her be able to go out play then that's what it will take. She went to the neurologist the other day and it didn't turn out they way I had hoped. To tell you the truth I'm having a hard time with that whole situation. He wants to up her meds and then check back because he said on the meds she is on she shouldn't have any seizures at all. She's had a few "attacks" at night but nothing during the day. And it's only been when she gets over heated or plays a lot in the sun. I just don't know what to do. My mind tells me to put her on the meds like the doctor says and go on with life. My guts says to take her off the meds and see what happens. Why? Because they have NO idea why she's having seizures just that she is. But even when she does have them they are small. I think with that and no cause of them I just don't know if we should drug her as much as she is. I feel like I'm making her life worse by putting her through so much and drugging her all the time. She's been off meds for a few days now and have been doing great, we haven't had any problems at all. But is that just luck? Or is that what it can be like? I don't know, which is why I'm having such a hard time. Only time can tell. For now I'm following my mommy gut and going from there. Now on to my Jordybug. He's doing AWESOME! He's finally got one front tooth, after NOT having them there for 5 yrs! And the other one is coming in. He was baptized. That was an awesome experience. He's in scouting and loving every min of it. What else? I just can't tell you how much he's growing. He's turning into such a great little guy. So now to me. OYI. I'm doing....um well just doing really. Life in so crazy I barely now left from right it seems. There's so much going on with kids and then throw in my things and it's a wonder I haven't had a meltdown yet! So after I had Alyssa I had a tubal done. It's been such a hard thing for me. First I must say before I go on that I KNOW it was the right choice, my body couldn't do another pregnancy even if I wanted to, it's just hard. To watch Alyssa grow up so fast is so bittersweet. On one hand I'm excited to see her grow up and learn things and grow into the beautiful little girl I know she is, on the other I'm so sad to know all the milestones she's hitting and going through will be my last. That's been really hard on me. I feel as though I have to mourn that part of my life. But I just know it was right and am trusting that things will work out as they should. I'm STILL healing from my c-section. It's been almost 2 months and it's STILL open...well I should clarify. It was closing then popped open again, then closed then opened. It's currently open and hurting. I just can't seem to heal. It's rather annoying! But I just got started back on my diabetic meds and I'm hoping that taking that, watching what I eat, and exercise can get me back on track. For now I just feel most days lol I HATE getting used to my diabetic meds all over again. It'll be worth it and I'm hoping in a year that I can go off them. Anyways I think it's time to catch a nap before the kids get up. Sorry it's taken me so long....not that anyone reads this. I'm going to try and keep this up to date.......key word is TRY. Till then...

Much Love!

Been WAY too long....

2010-04-01T19:52:00.002-07:00

WOW it's been WAY too long for me to be on here. SO much has happened. I'm now on bed rest so you'd think I'd have plenty of time to blog. Truth is I haven't been in a bloggy mood. Anyways I just wanted to say I'm sorry for taking so long to say hi. And also that I'll be posting an update here within the next week for now I just wanted to type out a few cute things my kids have said so I don't forget them.

I was giving the girls a bath a few weeks ago and the girls had those crayons that write in the tub. Tara was trying to draw bugs for Paige. I asked her what she was doing and she said drawing lady bugs. Here's a little how our conversation went:

Me "Tara you know lady bugs come in different colors other than red and black."

Tara "Yeah I know mom. Like orange."

Me "Yeah and yellow."

Tara "And purple!!"

Me "um NO I don't think there are real lady bugs that are purple. Those are only in stories sis."

Tara "No sir mom. There are purple lady bugs in real life."

Me "no sis I really don't think there is."

Tara "there is in Utah!"

LOL. made me laugh!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then the other day we went to go get a new vacuum. They have this fake gorilla out front and Paige swore up and down that it was a monster.

Paige "mom I not like that monster"

Me "it's not a monster paigie it's a monkey."

Paige "it's a monster and I not like him. He's mad at me."

Me "he's mad at you? why?"

Paige "just cause. see his eyes momma he's mad at me."

LOL. I don't know where in the world she came up with that but it made me smile.

Then we were headed to look at a few other things and I hear in the back this conversation.

Tara "I don't like monsters"

Jordan "Tara you know monsters aren't real?"

Tara "yeah I know I just don't like them"

Jordan "well they aren't real. There's no such thing as monsters....now aliens I'm not sure about them yet."

LOL. kids are so cute.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok last one then it's bed time. we went to Texas Roadhouse awhile ago and when we were leaving they gave the kids cowboy hats. They thought it was SO awesome. Well on the way home the kids were talking about being cowboys and cowgirls. and Tara said out of the blue.

"hey mom. now that I'm a cowgirl that makes my kitties cowkitties, right?"

LOL still gets me every time. I just said I guess so. I don't know why but for some reason cow kitties just crack me up!

I love my kids SO much. They make me laugh. I hope you enjoyed too. I'll be back in a week or so to update on all of us till then....

Much Love.

Wondering

2010-02-21T19:45:00.002-07:00

So with my last few posts I've only gotten a few reply's. I'm wondering does anyone read this anymore? I've been thinking of going private but I don't think that would matter since I don't think anyone reads. Anyways if you read could you let me know and just post a comment? I'm just toying with the idea of going private.

Much Love

Long awaited update.

2010-01-10T19:26:00.002-07:00

I can't believe how time flies. It seems as though just when I think life will slow down so I can catch up it just gets filled with more appointments. My life was busy before then getting pregnant and adding more appointments it's all I can do to keep up! So since I have some down time and am in a bloggy type mood I figured I'd type out a LONG overdue update.

So Bryan's still working at Chesbro. He's so busy with them. They have been great throughout the years and I'm grateful to have a job. He's still doing scouts and loving every min of it. He recently got a call to serve on Woodbadge staff. He's SO excited! He'll be attending the September course as a patrol leader. A new challenge that I think he'll do fantastically! So between work and scouts he's pretty busy but he still does get his gaming time in to hang out with the guys. A time I really don't mind him having. I love all the gaming guys, they are like my extended family. Plus it's time for the kids to just let loose and play.

Jordan's doing great too. I just am so amazed at what he can do. He just started basketball and is doing AWESOME! He literly carried his team at their first game and I have a feeling he'll be doing that the majority of the season. He's great at it and loves it too, SCORE! He just recently had his baptism orientation. That's where they have a meeting with all the kids getting baptised in this year and walk them around to different spots so they know what will happen. I wasn't able to go because I was really sick that day, but Bryan took him and he was so happy to go with dad. He came home and showed me what was in his bag and explained things. I started to tear up and he says, "mom are you ok? are you hurting?" I said, "no Jord I just can't believe how big you're getting." I really REALLY can NOT believe how big he is getting. My baby will be baptised this year?! Where in the heavens did the time go?! I was going to be a mess anyways on the day he gets baptised but I'll be 9.5 months pregnant so I guess I should prepare now for the water works. But in all honesty I couldn't be prouder of him. He's such a great kid and he has a great spirit and attitude about him. I couldn't have asked for a better little man.

Tara's doing ok. She was doing so good during Christmas vacation I thought that maybe we had overcome all her anxiety and "seizure" problems, unfortunately when school started them came back with vengeance. It breaks my heart to see how hard life seems to be for her and how helpless I am for her. I love her so much, I just wish I could snap my finger and make things so much better for her. I know I can't do that but I wish so much to be able to. I've spent many hours on my knees praying that something would happen and change but nothing does. However, I have some great doctors and nurses on my side and we've gotten all the doctor appointments set up to get some answers, we hope. She'll go this week to have 2 different physiologist evaluations. I'm not sure how well she's going to handle it, actually to be completely honest I'm scared to death of how she'll react after the testing. The fact that they are both 2.5 hrs long scares me. I have a hard time now days just keeping her attention and calmed down for more than an hour, I have NO idea how we'll make it the 2.5 hrs. But it needs to happen. The two tests she'll have is one with for ADHD and learning problems and the second is having to with trauma and left over things with that. So we'll do the tests this week then go back at the end of the month to get the results. I'm hoping and praying that we get some answers from that. In that time that we are waiting for the results we will be seeing the pediatric neurologist in Idaho Falls. I'm so grateful we have one in this area and don't have to travel to SLC. However we still do have an appointment at Primary Children's just in case. We'll know whether we'll need to go down or not after seeing the doctor here. They'll most likely do an MRI. I'm hoping they will be able to knock her completely out. We NEED to get an updated MRI on her. Right after the car wreck she developed these indents on her head and we weren't sure if it was for sure caused by the wreck or something else, but now with all the things that have happened lately those indents have changed and we are FOR SURE thinking that they have to have something to do with the wreck. So a lot going on with her. Besides the issues we're dealing with right now she's still doing good. She's always there to help me out when ever I need. She's my little mommy.

Paige is growing up SO much. It amazes me how far along she's came in a short time. She got ear tubes in just before Christmas and since then she's been talking up a storm. It's been SO much better! She's such a cutie, and she KNOWS it! I'm amazed at the cute personality that she has. A day never goes by without her making us all laugh at something. We're working slowly on potty training with no luck. I was hoping to have her potty trained by the time the baby gets here, but at the rate we're going I don't think that is going to happen. All in all she's my little baby, my little miracle girl.

So that's what's going on with the family. You can see why I'm so busy and I haven't even updated you on me! LOL. So the pregnancy is going ok. I'm FINALLY *knocks on wood* over the morning sickness. I was doing really good for awhile, no back problems, kidneys were good, no morning sickness then with all the extra stress with Tara and life my kidneys decided to act up. I've been having problems for about 2 weeks now with my kidneys. I don't have any blood in my urine but they just ache. So with them aching I've been watching my urine and sure enough I'm passing stones. The good news in that is that I'm passing them. WOO HOO. I just went in this last week and they did a culture and sent it off and I'll be doing a 24 hr urine test. Luckily my doctor trusts what I say and we've been there before so we're on top of things. I'll go back to the doctor this week and get some results. I hope something comes back so we can fix it. I hate this just being in pain and everything coming back ok. My back has been having a hard time too. After the wreck I developed arthritis in my SI joints. It hurts SO bad! They get inflamed and then pinch my siactic nerve and it's all I can do to just walk. It about puts me to the floor. So with my fantastic back doctor we're trying to come up with something to help with that. I'm on flexeral but it just doesn't cut the pain. Normally they would do steroid injections via xray but I can't do that because of being pregnant so we're looking into maybe doing those via ultra sound. It's never been done around this area but there are some promising studies on it, so I'm hopeful. I just started seeing the high risk doctors. I have ultra sounds every 4 weeks until I hit 30 weeks then I'll go every 2 weeks until about 32 and then I'll do NST and ultra sounds weekly. So busy busy. We had an ultra sound in December to find out what we're having but the baby wasn't wanting to show us so we'll check again on the 25th of this month. I'm excited to know so that I can get rid of the things I don't need.

So that's what's going on with us. We're busy to say the least. On the few days we're home we veg and just enjoy each other. I'm hoping to do updates every Sunday but no promise there. I hope things are going good for everyone! Thanks for reading till the next time....

Much Love!

One Year

2009-12-26T19:37:00.002-07:00

Today, believe it or not, is the year date for our car wreck. I'm happy and sad and depressed and emotional that this day is here. I hate how much the wreck is a part of me despite my trying to be rid of it. I've never had this sort of problems with wrecks. I've remember things but not to this emotional state. There's so much I want to say about this but just fear it. I'm not quite sure why, though. I'm glad this year is gone and that we can maybe FINALLY start getting over it....actually I guess I shouldn't say we. It doesn't seem to have effected anyone but myself....at least this way. Jordan and Tara will always have the scars but they will fade, Bryan will have the memory but it seems as though his efforts to forget it completely are working, and Paige luckily wasn't old enough to have remember anything, so why am I the one to have so much emotional baggage with it? Is it because I'm a woman? Is it because I'm letting it? Is it because I'm a mother? I'm not sure why I seem to have so much emotional issues with it but if I could have my way I would gladly NOT have it. I've heard of a few of my good friends tell me that I might have post traumatic syndrome, is that what they used? And that I should maybe see someone about it, but I think what would I say? I would have to start at the beginning again and tell everything about it and how I felt. Basically reliving everything which to me doesn't seem like the best way to get over it. I'm tired of telling what happened, I'm tired of reliving all the details and feelings of everything that happened and what followed. I'm tired of every single day thinking of something and it reminding me of the wreck. I'm tired of having the same nightmare night after night, always waking me from my sleep with a wet pillow and wet eyes. I'm tired of it all. But I don't know how to get over it. How to deal with it. I want to talk to Bryan about it but then feel bad because that brings up his guilty feelings..and sends him into a depression that doesn't help anyone. I try to talk to friends about it but they don't know what to say, what to do to help. Family knows to a certain part of what I'm going through but they can't truly know. Maybe seeing someone IS the best thing? But is it worth reliving things all over again? I've told the story so much and explained the details so much that all I have to do is close my eyes and I can hear everything again, feel the pain I felt, see the looks on faces, remember the painful weeks, months it's taken to get here. I just don't think I'm strong enough to relive it again, even if in the end I have a chance of it letting me go, letting me be free.

I've tried for months to write out how I felt and what I was thinking, and every time I did I got scared. Why? I was scared to actually let my feelings be known, scared to let it all come out, scared to open up. Part of me thinks, people will think I'm crazy or just say sorry to say it. No one knows exactly what I'm going through. But I've come to the conclusion that in order to start getting over it emotionally, I've GOT to get it out. Even if it's like opening the wounds, and reliving things. Painfully, scary, depressing, emotional things. I've got to if I'm going to have even a little chance of moving on. So on this year anniversary I make the vow to open up about things I felt. It might not be but a little at a time and it might not be very interesting to read, but it'll be something to help ME. This next year I'm going to try and make things better for ME. Make ME a better person, mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend. I know it'll be hard but I need to change a lot and it first starts with finally trying to get over this bad thing that happened to my family a year ago. So till I get more courage to write again....

Much love to you all.

SO much going!!!

2009-12-14T16:24:00.002-07:00

So it's been a hard few weeks for me. I felt I needed to blog but was afraid to because of the emotions it would release. I'm still not ready for that but almost. So Tara had ear tubes put in and her tonsils and adenoids out the day before Thanksgiving. She did really well. She's not snoring anymore which is good. But she's still having other problems. I'll be completely honest I'm scared out of my mind with what might be wrong. She went to the eye doctor a few weeks ago and they agreed that something was going on. We think it's stuff left over from the car wreck. So they gave her glasses and said that she really didn't need them but that it would be one step to help her concentrate at school. She'll go in on Wednesday to the Neurological doctor to have an eval and see what is going on there. I had all the paperwork from Primary Children's sent to them. So he'll have everything he needs. My mom is also going with me since she was there with Tara after the wreck. I'm nervous at what might be found but am anxious to get to the bottom of what's up with Tara. She's changed over the last year, as she should have with as much trauma as she's gone through but she's just off. I can't explain it better than that. So we'll see them Wed then on the 31st she'll have a physic eval done. The eye doctor was thinking maybe she might be ADHD or something. So they want to do a physic eval and see what's going on in her head. I'm again nervous for this. I'm really nervous for everything. I wonder if I'm pushing too hard? I wonder am I really doing all this in Tara's best interest? Lately she's had some problems and we don't know what's going on. She just starts crying as if something is hurting her and then she freaks and can't breath. I have to have her focus on breathing and then while she's trying to breath I can't touch her or get close. If I do then she winces as if she's in pain. As soon as this "attack" is over then she'll start running a fever. I'll give her meds for it and then once they wear off she's fine until she has another attack. Bryan thought that maybe she's faking it to get attention, but I don't think she is. Because her face and eyes tell that SOMETHING is wrong. Plus my mom guy just has this bad feeling that something bad is wrong. I don't know what but every time I think about it I'm in tears and just don't have a good feeling at all. So with that and me being prego and with Paigie having surgery a week ago there's so much going on. Right now I"m trying to focus on Tara. I feel like I've let her down as a mom. I'm trying to make it up to her but I'm fearing that I'm just pushing her further away. So that's what's going on, at least a little. I have more to go over. Mainly about how I feel about the wreck but right now I'm not emotionally ready for that. Please keep Tara in your prayers. I'm SO worried about her. Till another update...

Much Love

Our exciting suprise.

2009-11-06T21:06:00.001-07:00

So if you follow me on Facebook then you already know about my upcoming announcement, if not then it might be a surprise. We're VERY excited to announce that we're expecting #4! I'm due May 21. I've been doing ok for the most part. I've been on the insulin pump for about 4 weeks. It's helping so much. I've had HORRIBLE morning sickness this time around. I've lost close too 26 lbs. It's been crazy. Jordan is praying and hoping so hard that this one is a boy. We are too since this will be our last. I'm just hoping and praying that my kidneys hold up for this pregnancy. So far so good. It's been hard on my back though. Anyways I just wanted to announce that. Now it'll be nice cause I can do updates on me now. I hope all is well out there.

Much Love!

10 months already?!

2009-10-26T20:06:00.003-07:00

I can't believe 10 months ago right now I was in the hospital in excruciating pain. It's crazy to me to think SO much has changed since then. Life seems to move on, and no matter how much I try I can't seem to get this out of my mind. I'm ALWAYS thinking about it or being reminded about it. I want so badly to just get over it already but I don't think that'll happen since I'm reminded every day with my pain that something happened. So where are we now? Well I want to so badly type out an update but right now all I can think about is taking some pain pills and going to bed. I'm SO tired! So I'm going to leave all of you hanging and come back when I have some time, probably tomorrow night, and update. So till then............

Much Love!

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-24T14:58:00.001-07:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Still here....

2009-10-01T06:45:00.001-07:00

Just wanted up update quickly and say I'm still here and alive!! It's been so long since I updated things....I miss blogging. I'll be back later this week, probably on the weekend to update. Love you all!

So cute!

2009-09-12T20:50:00.002-07:00

So I'm an Auntie now. Just making sure everyone knows. I'll be posting info on that and an update in the next few days. I just found this website and it's SO cute. Here's a cute video.

http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/92999?fp=1

If you go to the middle of the page there's a video it's SO cute!

I agree, Do you?

2009-09-04T15:42:00.002-07:00

Happy Birthday Beara!

2009-08-30T10:49:00.002-07:00

Today is my beautiful Beara's birthday. I can't believe she's 5!!! That's just crazy. So here's 5 things about her.

1. She LOVES kitties, most of you already knew that.
2. Unfortunately she's also very allergic to them.
3. She loves sponge bob.
4. She's a fantastic big sister to Paigie.
5. She's really shy when she first meets someone but once she warms up she's a fantastic friend!

Happy Birthday Tara! I love you so much. You make mommy smile EVERYDAY. I'm so glad Heavenly Father blessed me with you! I hope you have a great day like a princess should!!!!

Visit with my pain doc

2009-08-18T21:17:00.005-07:00

So I went today to the pain doctor. It was a very nerve racking and emotional visit. I had to get records from when I was in the hospital, and I sat down and read through things. I'll tell you this I didn't realize how bad off I was till I read that. And to read it brought up everything I have yet to deal with. It just was a lot. But I found out some great information and I'm hoping for some positive results with the treatment. So first off he said that I will never be without pain. Even if they do surgery later on I'll always have pain. Not something I wanted to for sure hear, but something I had planned on. Just like when the PT said I'd always have to do stretching. So I figured if I can't go a day without stretching then I probably won't go a day without pain, unfortunately I was right. He also said that it seems as though I had a fracture on my left hip that I was never aware of. I always asked why does my left hip hurt with my back? And everyone always told me it's because I over compensate for my right side thus making my left side hurt. Turns out that's wrong, my left side was/is injured. No one has ever treated it. In fact I didn't even know about it, just complained about it. So he said because of that on my left side and the trauma with the point of impact being my right side it seems as though I've developed trauma induced arthritis in my hip joints, another reason why I hurt so bad ALL the time. Makes so much sense now that I know. He also said I stumped him, what else is new with me and doctors, and he can't seem to find where my pain is coming from. He said most of the time he can do an exam and know where the pain creator is, but with me he just isn't sure. He said it could be one of two things. One being that my muscles are just SO tender and tight and that's causing my pain. Because no one has ever dealt with the muscles just the pain. So we've never tried to work just on my muscles and healing them. OR it could be that there's something under my muscles, be it say a herniated disk or something, making my muscles so sore. He's thinking it's number two over one, just because my story of my pain goes with it better. And he thinks that maybe instead of having just a small herniated disk I have a bad one, but you can't see it on the MRI because of how inflamed my muscles are. SO here's what we're going to do to achieve our goal, which is just to get the pain to where I don't notice it as much, to where I can go and do things and not be out of commission for days because of what I've done....so first we're going to do pain injections. That is where they have me lie on a table in the office on my belly and then just feel around and when I say ouch that's sore they stick a 3.5 inch needle into the nerve and inject it with muscle relaxing medicine as well as steroids. They do my whole lower back, can do up to 15 injections per session, sounds great huh? I'm not looking forward to that! If that doesn't work in a few sessions, like he thinking it won't, then our next option is an epidural steroid injections and sacroiliac joint block. That's where they go in first through my back and do an epidural only they put in the steroid to help make it last longer, once that is in place they then go through my hips with a live x-ray and inject pain medicine mixed with steroids into my hip joints. What they are suppose to is 1, the epidural blocks the pain in my back muscles and nerves, 2, the joint block blocks the pain in my hip area going down my leg...thus fixing my pain. I'm hoping that something works. I'm not too sure I like the idea of the epidural and joint block....well I take that back it's not that I don't like the idea it's that I don't like the thought of the needles. The procedures themselves don't bother me as long as I don't think of the needles....ha ha. Anyways that's what the plan is. All I can say is I'm ready to have my life back. I'm ready to be ME again. I'm ready to just go and do and not worry if I have heat for my back, or pain pills. Anyways this is a long update and I'm tired so I'm going to head to bed.

Much Love!

I totally agree!!!

2009-08-14T20:01:00.002-07:00

If you're like me then the talks about all this new health plan just completely scare you. I had a good friend post this on her website and I feel so strongly about it that I wanted to post it on mine! This plan does NO one any good!! As a person that doesn't have health insurance I'd rather have nothing than this plan.

Update.

2009-08-01T21:17:00.002-07:00

So things have been going good. This last Tuesday we went to court for Jordan and Paigie's claims. Everything went really well. Got things approved like we want it. I had some awesome things happen. I had to call and see if we could settle things and get things less on the medical bills. I got calling and found 2 of the bills we thought we had to pay on for Jordan wrote his off. Puts over 6000 more into his trust fund! I was so surprised.

I had my last physical therapy yesturday. I've been in A LOT of pain lately and just not sure what's going to happen. I chose myself to have an end to PT. In all honesty I was sick of going so often with no end in sight. I can't keep going so I need to know what happens when I don't. I will go see to the doctor on Thursday to see what's next. I've gotten some new pain meds and they knock me out so much but don't do a dare thing for the pain. The insurance needs to have an updated MRI to show before PT and after. I'm NOT looking forward to that. But it needs to be done. So after Thursday I'll know more.

Anyways that's a quick update on us. I need to go and get kids to bed. More later!

Much love!

Pay it Forward

2009-07-23T13:49:00.002-07:00

I did this awhile ago and forgot to get things out so I'm posting it again to help me remember and to do it again.The first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive a a hand made gift from me during this year. When and what will be a surprise. But, you have to post this on your blog then come back and leave a comment, telling me you're in. Fun, huh? Remember, only the first 3 comments receive the gift.

YOU HAVE TO POST ON YOUR BLOG A PAY IT FORWARD FIRST.

Ok Much Love!

Busy busy busy, quick update!

2009-07-22T18:48:00.001-07:00

Life's so busy lately. It's just crazy! I'm almost done with PT and I'm nervous to see how I handle doing a month without anything. I've gotten the ok to workout and have started working out. I've got to get some of this weight off!!! So with PT being almost done you'd think I'd be not as busy...nope can't be that lucky. I've put Tara and Jordan in swimming lessons. They are doing SO well! Next year Paigie will be able to do lessons. We just have one more week left of lessons. We're not into the back to school mode. I can't belive we have less than a month till school starts!!! Isn't that crazy? I'm getting excited and nervous at the same time. So between just trying to deal and busy things we're just living. So we finally get to go to court for Jordan and Paige. We'll be going to settle on their settlement next Tuesday. I'm kinda nervous about it but glad to have things rolling and finally coming to an end. It's been a bad year and I can't wait to get things behind us, as much as we can. We're going to be going camping this weekend with Bryan's family. I can't wait! Bryan's parents rarely invite us to go camping and we are THRILLED beyond belief to be able to go! Anyways I'll be back with an update later, I've got to go get things packed!

Much Love!

PS Are there still people reading this?!

Picture overload!

2009-07-05T21:33:00.006-07:00

Here's all my new pictures!!!

Kizzy, Kilb's new dog isn't she cute!? The kids ADORE her!

Chuck E Cheese

Paige put a coin in to this Sponge bob game just cause she liked to see SpongeBob move and she won the jackpot!

Bryan took the kids fishing just before we went to SLC.

Tara after fishing she's so tired!
Jordan looks mad but he's really asleep.
Fish!!!!

4th of July!

I asked all the kids to give me a funny face and a regular face.

Jordan

Tara

Paigie, she needed help with the funny face!

All the kids

And my FAVORITE picture of all!!!!

lol they are so flippin cute!

I couldn't get the videos to upload I'll try again tomorrow! Till then

Much love!

My Brother in Law.

2009-07-05T20:18:00.003-07:00

Ok so my sister's husband Lee had a birthday on July 3. he's now um 24? Right now we're not on speaking terms but I wanted to acknowledge that he had a birthday. I'm not going to be doing the things about him because I don't care really. But here's 2 things about him....

1.The difference between in laws and out laws are that out laws are wanted.
2. He has a brother named Jimmy, and he ROCKS!!!!!

ok I'm off to upload videos.

25 Things about my Brother

2009-07-05T20:05:00.002-07:00

Ok so my brother, Kilby, had a birthday on the 29th of June he turned the old age of 25. Here's 25 things about my brother.

1. He's the only boy, other than my dad, in our family.
2. He LOVES his truck!
3. He loves the color red.
4. He loves semi trucks, especially Frieghtliners.
5. He graduated from high school in 2003.
6. He's fantastic with cars and engines.
7. He was married in Jan 2008.
8. He and I are good buddies.
9. When we were growing up we called each other BB1 and BB2, which stood for Best Buddy 1 and Best Buddy 2.
10. He just got a puppy and loves her like his own daughter.
11. He's a FANTASTIC uncle!!!!
12. His nickname is Bubba, but I'm not sure why.
13. He loves playing play station.
14. When he was little he was known as the streaker in our neighboorhood.
15. He's SO scared of snakes that when he sees one on TV he has to close his eyes.
16. He has his CDL.
17. His priorities are as follow, His truck tied with his wife, his family, and then his dog, Kizzy.
18. He looks A LOT like my dad!
19. He's so helpful, he'll come help me with ANYTHING!
20. He and I look a lot alike, when he shaves....so I've been told.
21. He loves riding 4 Wheelers.
22. He LOVES shrimp!
23. You know when Kilb's mad when he looks through his eye brows...lol.
24. He LOVES swimming! He's a duck in water!
25. He's a fantastic person!

Kilb, I hope you had a great birthday. The kids and I are SO grateful to have you in our lives! We are so happy to have you back here with us. Thanks for everything you do for me. You mean the world to me!!!! I love you very VERY much!!!! Here's to 25 more great years! Love, Nana.

Ok I'll have more to come I just came back from SLC and have some videos and such for you all!

Happy 4th of July!!!

2009-07-04T11:15:00.003-07:00

I hope you all remember why we are so blessed to live in this great country. I love it so much and I believe with all my heart that we ARE the home of the FREE because of the BRAVE!!!!

I'll be posting later this week for my brothers bday and my SLC trip!

Much Love!

6 Months and Update

2009-06-26T19:13:00.002-07:00

So today marks the 6 month anniversary since our wreck. It's crazy to think that 6 months ago now I was in the hospital. Things are moving along very nicely. Still waiting on the kids' settlement. It's taking FOREVER! I can't believe how long it's taken. And I can't wait till it's over. I'm so ready! So anyways update on me. I'm still in physical therapy. It's going really well. I hit a bump over the weekend and hurt my back. I've been taking it VERY easy this week. I'm going to be almost done with PT soon. I'm taking the next week off then the next week I'll do it 2x a week for 2 weeks then I'll 1x a week for 2 weeks then I'm taking some time off to see how I feel. I'm excited about taking some time off because when I to it'll be, believe it or not, school time! Crazy! This summer is just FLYING by. Anyways I know this is short I just wanted to give a quick update. I'll be back next week for more pictures.

Much Love!

Happy Fathers Day!

2009-06-21T21:59:00.002-07:00

Today is a day to celebrate dads. I'm lucky enough to say I have had a FANTASTIC dad, got a GREAT Dad for an In law and have a great husband that's a dad to my kids. I love all three of you very much! I hope you had a fantastic day!

To everyone else! I hope all you dads had a great day. Here's a video why we love our dads!!!

Scentsy Open House!!!!

2009-06-16T13:27:00.002-07:00

You're Invited to a

Scentsy Open House!
Scentsy Brick

Your Hostess Is: Dana Shigihara

Tuesday

June 23rd

6:30 - 8:30

At Dana Shigihara's House

338 E. Oak

Shelley, Idaho

It is going to be very casual and fun. We will have fun smelling all the fabulous scents, eating refreshments and visiting! Please feel free to bring a friend with you.

To make the night even more exciting there are currently lots of specials.

Spring Specials

- $40 Scentsy System, 1 Deluxe Warmer & 3 Bars

- $27.50 1 Plug-In Warmer & 3 Bars

Also there will be a drawing for a Scentsy Bar! This is how the drawing works:

1 Entry - Come to my Open House!

2 Entries - Bring a FRIEND with you that wasn't invited.

(You will get 2 entries for every friend you bring.)

3 Entries - Place an order of $30+

4 Entries - Place an order of $60+

5 Entries - Place an order of $90+

7 Entries - Book Your Own Scentsty Party!

You can enter your name for 1, 2, 7 & either 3, 4 or 5 whichever one applies.

I hope you can all make it, it is going to be a fun night!

Your Hostess is Dana Shigihara - (208) 357-0386

Please call Dana for questions or if you need directions.

Things about my mom.

2009-06-07T20:21:00.002-07:00

OK so I've been putting this off till I had enough time and I just can't put it off any more. My mom's birthday was May 25th, and it's time for her time in my spotlight. So here we go things about my mom!

48 Things about my mom.

1. She's a great SELFLESS mom!
2. She's an even better grandma!
3. She loves to go for rides with my dad on his motorcycle.
4. She works at Fort Hall Elementary as a Aide.
5. She loves the kids.
6. She makes some killer lasagna!!
7. She's been married to my dad for 30 years.
8. She graduate in 1979.
9. She was married, graduated, and had my sister all in the same year!
10. She's given up EVERYTHING for us.
11. She grew up on a farm.
12. She is a convert to the church.
13. She's in the nursery in her ward.
14. She grew up in the Firth area.
15. She graduated from Firth High School.
16. She went to Wood badge, when it was REAL camping!
17. She's a fox. (From wood badge.)
18. She's the oldest in her family.
19. She has 2 sisters, 1 brother, 3 step sisters, and 1 step brother.
20. She used to ride in the Posse. (Is that how you spell that?!)
21. She's great at getting things done.
22. She's paranoid about signing up to anything online other than email. (Mom you should really bite the bullet and get on face book already! =S)
23. She only has 3/4 of one lung.
24. She had to have her lung out because part of it died.
25. She likes to camp.
26. She LOVES to read. (I get that from her, THANKS!)
27. She has a metal plate in her neck, where 2 of her vertebra are bolted together.
28. She's got a lot on her plate, but rarely lets people see it. (I get this from you too!)
29. More than anything, her grand kids mean the WORLD to her.
30. She taught me how to drive stick shift.
31. She loves country music.
32. She doesn't watch much TV.
33. She makes some really CUTE quilts!
34. She LOVES diet Pepsi and will NOT give it up!
35. She's been through a lot more than people know.
36. She and I are really close....most of the time. :)
37. She has fibermyalgia.
38. Her favorite books are mystery, LDS romance, and historical.
39. She's allergic to Sulfa.
40. Her favorite color is purple.
41. She loves the Indian culture.
42. She went with Tara when we were in the wreck.
43. She's really excited to go on her cruise.
44. She has asthma.
45. She's never been to college.
46. Her favorite holiday is Christmas, at least I think it is.
47. She'd give anything to us to make sure we were happy.
48. She loves my dad very much!

Mom, I'm so grateful for you! You mean the WORLD to me and the kids. I'm so blessed to have you in my life. I'm so grateful you were always there for me. I'm blessed for all the things YOU gave up for me, or Kelli, or Kilb or dad. Know it hasn't, nor will it ever, go unnoticed. You're a fantastic person. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! Love Nana.

OK I still have another post to post here within a few days with some updated pictures so stay tuned for that!

Much love!

SO Proud!

2009-05-28T09:52:00.001-07:00

I love my kids, everyone knows that. But I'm just SO proud of Jordan! He came home from school today and had a stack full of papers. In it his teacher made a memory book of class pictures and fun things they did, also in it she had each student write the things they love/like the most. Most wrote about PE and science, reading and recess, what did Jordan write?

"I like music. I like recess. I like PE. but most of all I like when we go home. I love home. Because I love my family. I love when I go camping, like today. I love school. I can't wait until 2nd grade!"

I've read through all his class and he's the ONLY one that said anything about his family. What he wrote bring tears to my eyes, because not only does that show me that I'm doing things right and making sure family is important but everyone else can see that it is as well. I so very proud of him! He means so much to me! I'm glad to know that he also knows that family is important!

Anyways I just had to share now I need to go for our day of fun!

Much Love!

5 months and an update....

2009-05-26T20:48:00.004-07:00

So today is the 5 month mark of our wreck. Things are almost back to normal. Well whatever is normal that is. We're all pretty much healed, all but me that is. The kids seem to be good physically, emotionally for Jordan and Tara it's a different story. We've made progress though, which is better than NOT making any. I'm still waiting on settling with Jordan and Paige. I got the amounts and agreed on the amounts and then the paperwork was sent to an attorney and I was suppose to hear when we'd have to go to court for them but that was 3 weeks ago and I still haven't heard anything. It's getting rather annoying waiting. I just want to put that behind me so I can go forward, not that that is really the thing holding me back from getting over it. If you know me and even talked to me you KNOW it isn't. I don't really know what the thing is that's making it so hard for me to get over things. I guess I'm just still in those phases. I mean I was in shock for a long time like did it really happen? Once it finally hit me that it DID indeed happen I was OK with it. Sad for my kids and sad for Bryan. Sad for the kids because of what they were going through physically and worried about the future and the emotion part of it. And so sad and worried, still am, for Bryan and what it would and has put him through. I know he blames himself for a lot of it, I don't and I've told him SEVERAL times I don't but I guess he just can't understand...or something. I always feel bad again whenever I complain about my back, it's like a smack in the face to him. Like I caused my precious love to feel this. (OK so I assume he thinks of me as his "precious love" lol) Anyways so I was in shock and then I was OK with it and that's it. Well then a few months later I got to the denial part of it like it couldn't of happen, and such. That didn't last very long since I FELT the pain and the assurance that it DID happen, nothing to deny there. So then I just went on and recently I've hit the anger road. I've had so much pain with my back. I hate it. I hate that I can't do simple things that I could before, I hate that I can't do the things I want, I hate that I have to be in pain, I hate that I feel so old but really I'm young, I hate that I have to tell my kids, "sorry mommy can't do that" I HATE IT!!!!!! I wish so badly to turn back the months and change things. But then would I want to? I mean I would for my kids, but the outpouring of love and support and the lessons we learned could never be replaced. I head this great quote that sums up that, "Today's trials are tomorrow's testimonies" SO true!!! We wouldn't be who we are today if we didn't go through it so I guess I don't really want to turn back. I like where I am at. I like who I am because of it. I just don't like the physical part of it for me and emotional part it is for my family. Anyways so five months and where are we? Well Paigie is the same, although she seems to have gotten to the take-a-drink-and-not-swallow phase...ARGH I hate this phase. I'm tired of yelling "Paige SWALLOW!" LOL. It get's old after awhile people! I'm telling you it sounds funny now but try saying it 100+ times a day! Other than that she's doing really really good. Jordan's doing great. He's completely healed and has an awesome scar. My only worry for him is he's been dealing with a lot of emotional things. He's just been up and down SO much and to HUGE extremes. I'm starting him once again in therapy and I'm hoping after just a few months, or month, that he'll be back on track. He's last day of school is Thursday and he couldn't be more excited or wired! Tara is doing good too. She's healing very nicely, physically that is. Her scars look FANTASTIC! She'll always have them but they are doing well and fading some. I just hope they'll fade a lot more by the time she's a teenager. I can only imagine what they might/can do to her self esteem. Emotionally for her is a totally different story. She's having a really hard time, as I expected her to. She's having a really hard time with several facts. One being that Paigie came into our family so unexpectedly and she was NOT ready to be "replaced". Two she thinks now since the wreck that whenever I drop her off somewhere that I'm going to leave her. Ever since she left in that first ambulance, alone, she's been different. I cannot tell you how many nights I've prayed and wished I could have been there for her. It tears my heart up knowing that I wasn't able to be there in her many hours of need. I'm SO incredibly thankful for my mom that was able to so unselfishly step up and be there for her. (To my mom, you'll NEVER know what that meant to me or Tara!) I'm working SO hard to bring back that trust, but I fear it's going to be a long road. I remember vividly in first grade having my mom come and help out and then when she went to leave the teacher had to hold me while I kicked and screamed for my mom to come back. I've never been the same since. I still to this day HATE being alone! It scares me SO badly! I remember growing up and even in high school when I was sick I hated my mom leaving. It's not that I didn't think she'd come back, I knew she would, I just was scare of the alone.....the silence. So seeing as how Tara is SO much like me I suspect that I'll have the same road to travel. I just hope and pray that I can help her to overcome it where I haven't been able to. So she can be able to be alone and not FEEL alone. For that she's been in therapy for months now and will continue to be in for a few more months, most likely till after school starts in the fall. I'm really worried about how that will effect her. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. Other than all that she's doing great! Growing up and changing daily. Bryan's doing well. Getting ready to go to Wood badge in June. He's SO flippin' excited it's cute! :) He's hours just got cut again at Chesbro. It's so hard these days making most ends meet. I'll be truthful we're not making it at all mainly because of my medical bills that have to be paid on till I get my settlement, but we're doing the best we can. It's been hard for him to have his hours cut. I know he doesn't say anything but you can see it. I'm glad that he's got scouts to keep his time occupied. And even better he LOVES it. I'm grateful for that. He just got a district position in scouting, what I'm not sure. He said another position and I guess I tuned out. Let me say this before you all start thinking things. I support Bryan in scouting. I LOVE scouting. I just don't get it. I mean I grew up with my mom doing it and such and I think it's a FANTASTIC program, I just don't really get it nor do I want to....for now. So anyways with Woodbadge and normal scouting he's been busy. As far as me, I'm just trying to live each day and make it through. I've just started my 3 round of physical therapy and will do many more. I'm doing water therapy and I LOVE IT! It's working great. My only problem with that is it makes me SO limited to what I can and can't do. I can't go on walks, I can't exercise at all, I can't bend over for a long time, I can't twist my body, I can't ride my bike with the kids, I can't lift more than 30 lbs, I can't do housework that strains my back, I can't live it seems. I hate it. I hate even more that so many people remind me of it SO much. Don't get me wrong I love that they love me enough to watch out for my good, and I get that I'm stubborn, but people I get it, I CAN'T DO IT. No need to yell....OK maybe there is. I am stubborn after all......I just hate when they are like no don't do that, you can't do that, stop that....that it reminds me that I can't. I hate those words, I CAN'T. How can two words make someone feel SO depressed, lonely, sad, alone, and hopeless? I want so badly to go out and run with the kids, go on walks with my friends, ride bikes with the kids, run my 5K.....but it just isn't happening for a long time, if ever. That right there is why I'm angered. I hate being told I can't cause it makes me want to that much more, ya know? But I just can't risk it. There's too much at stake right now. My future and the future of my kids, and that I'm not willing to just throw aside that like means nothing, because it means EVERYTHING! So for now I listen, and whether it makes me depressed and lonely, and sad and alone and hopeless, it'll be worth it when I'm running around with my kids. So besides all that I'm doing OK. Just being bored and trying to keep up with things. Man this has turned into a novel, I didn't mean it to. I guess I'll end it here. I'll be updating again on our entertaining/eventful weekend of camping and my mom's birthday list. Till then....

Much Love!

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T11:23:00.002-07:00

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day! I hope all mother's out there have a FANTASTIC day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...
You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!

Awareness Rally 4 generations.

2009-05-02T17:06:00.003-07:00

So today was the motorcycle awareness rally. My parents have been doing this for several years now and Bryan started doing it last year. This year was special because we had 4 generations riding in it. My dad's dad, my dad, Bryan and Jordan. So here's a picture of the 4 generations, plus my Uncle Jeff and then one of my favorite two guys. Enjoy! I'm hoping to have a video on here soon.

4 Generations. First my dad, then in the blue is my Grandpa my dad's dad, then Bryan and in front is Jordan and poking in the back is my Uncle Jeff.

My 2 favorite guys. Man I love these two!

Much Love!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

2009-05-01T06:50:00.002-07:00

So today is Paigie's 2nd birthday! Can you believe it? I sure can't. Where'd my baby go? She's now a terrible two toddler, although always remembering to use her cutes to get her out of anything. I can't believe it's been 2 years! It's just crazy to me! Here's 2 things about my baby.

2 Things about my Baby girl.

1. She loves Tinkerbell.
2. She is one of the cutest little girls on the planet! Which she always seems to use to her advantage when she's in trouble! LOL.

Paigie, I love you so much honey. I'm so grateful to Heavenly Father for blessing us with you. It was a miracle! I look at you and see the reasons why I love being a mommy. A day doesn't go by that you don't make us all laugh. We love you so much! I can't wait to see what you'll be as the years go by. Have a great day my love. Love Mommy.

OK off to get breakfast!

Much Love!

Happy Birthday Little Man!

2009-04-30T06:53:00.003-07:00

So today is Jordan's 7th birthday. I'm in shock to think he's 7 already! Honestly how did it go by so quickly?! I'm in even more to think next year he'll be in scouts and he'll be getting baptized! CRAZY! So in honor to him I'm going to do the things about him.

7 things about my little man

1. He LOVES hot wheels and monster trucks!
2. He loves basketball.
3. He really wishes to have a brother someday......
4. He's a fantastic brother, son, friend and person
5. He loves to ride his bike and do tricks.
6. He's starting to get into Bakugan.....
7. He loves to play with Tara and Paige....most of the time.

Jordan, I love you so much!!! I can't believe you're 7 already! Seems like just yesterday you were born and a little baby. I'm so proud of who you are and what you stand for. I hope you have a FANTASTIC birthday!!!!!

(OK and some of you might wonder why I wrote to him, and I did because 1. he can read it and 2. I print off these to put in a "journal" so I want him to be able to read it later on as well.)

OK I'm off!

Much love!

Things about my dad...

2009-04-26T20:23:00.002-07:00

This month has just past me by and I completely miss my dad's birthday so I'm going to do it now while I have some time. If you have forgotten I'm doing this thing where every time I have a birthday in my family I will do a list of things about them or things I love about them and however old they are is how long this list will be. So my dad's birthday was on April 8th and he turned 51, I can't believe he's that old. He shouldn't be that old.....anyways here's some things about my dad.

1. He's a FANTASTIC dad!
2. He's and even better Papa.
3. He loves to ride his Goldwing.
4. He belongs to the riders of the POW-MIA bike club.
5. He works at Bingham Coop
6. He's a very hard working dedicated person.
7. He's diabetic.
8. He only has 5 toes.
9. He lost 5 toes to being diabetic.
10. He's been bit by a rattle snake and lived to tell about it.
11. He's been married to my mom for 30 years now.
12. He's the oldest boy in his family.
13. He has an older sister and 2 younger brothers.
14. He played football in high school.
15. He broke his back.
16. He's always willing to go the extra mile if it means he's family has special things.
17. He loves spoiling his 3, soon to be 4, grand kids.
18. He likes to go camping.
19. Family ALWAYS comes first for him.
20. We, as a family, would do ANYTHING for him!
21. He names his tools....which I don't get but whatever.
22. He loves his shop.
23. The only problem with his shop is it's not big enough.
24. He's very neat in his shop....it has to be swept a special way.
25. He makes some killer Italian chicken.
26. He knows hardly nothing about computers.
27. He's been to Sturgis on his bike.
28. He saw things there my mom wishes he didn't. LOL.
29. He loves to listen to Bob and Tom in the morning.
30. He loves older rock music.
31. He doesn't like animals, for the most part.
32. He loves to make up "rap" songs.....(Still can't beat Grounded to the Toilet Bowl! LOL)
33. He loves Nascar.
34. His favorite driver was Dale Earnhardt Sr.
35. He loves to watch history shows.
36. He loves to go snow machine.
37. His favorite food is sea food.
38. He's really good at math.
39. He and my brother are so much alike that a lot of the time it frustrates him A LOT! LOL.
40. For his 40th birthday I put a sign on his truck at his work and his co workers were so shocked to find out he was that old.
41. He's really good at anything auto related.
42. He went to ISU and got a diesel mechanics degree.
43. He's "baby" is his truck.
44. Which for some reason seems to be what we all seem to wreck or dent...sorry dad.
45. He doesn't really watch movies.
46. He doesn't drink milk....unless it has chocolate in it.
47. He played the trumpet in school.
48. He once thought a blackberry was a fruit and not a phone. LOL.
49. He's going to be going a cruise in the summer with my mom for their anniversary.
50. He'd love to build a house and retire in Grace Idaho.
51. He's the greatest dad anyone could want, he's cool when he needs to be cool (sometimes when he doesn't need to be), he's discipline when he needs to be discipline, and loving when he needs to be loving!

Wow that was harder and easier than I thought....lol. Dad, thanks for being there always for me! I couldn't ask for a better dad. You mean the world to me! I love you so VERY much! I hope you're birthday was great! Love Dayna! :)

Ok now to put kids to bed!

much love!

4 months later...

2009-04-26T18:00:00.002-07:00

Well today is the 4 month date since our car wreck. Crazy to me to think it's been 4 years. I was thinking about this today and went back to at weather and it's snowed on every month date since our wreck, and today was no different. SO where are we today 4 months since the wreck? This week I'm hoping to settle on the Jordan and Tara's claims and I'm starting the process to settle Tara's. Tomorrow I'll be starting water thearpy. I stopped physical thearpy a few weeks ago because it was SO painful and just way too much on me. So I went back to the doctor last week and talked with my doctor on what to do next. He agreed it was way too much too quickly so we decieded I would do 2 weeks of water physical thearpy and then recheck back. If I'm doing good and it's working then I'll continue for 6 weeks. IF it doesn't then I'll go back to my back doctor and talk about doing pain thearpy, such as epidural injections. I'm hoping SO badly this works. Last night Bryan and I went to the a dance the local radio station puts on called, "The Second Chance Prom" and we had fun but after about two hours my back was hurting SO badly. This morning I woke up and I hurt worse. Something needs to change because I want to be able to live my life and not regret it the next day. I want to be able to run and bike and play with my kids and not be in pain or be popping pain pills.....so I'm praying very hard that water thearpy works. Well that's my quick update I need to get dinner I'm hoping to do more later.

Quick update.

2009-04-09T12:43:00.003-07:00

Man life has been SO busy lately. I just can hardly keep up. It's so annoying to me too. Anyways I thought I'd put off some housework and post a quick update. Jordan and Paigie are doing well. We're waiting right now to settle them out. I'm so happy to be moving on for them. Jordan's been busy with school. He's doing SO well! Paigie is doing well too. She's growing up and changing daily. She's so freaking cute! She keeps us laughing. Tara was recently released from the doctor. Her eye is looking SO nice! It'll take awhile for it to heal completely but we're hopeful that it'll heal and the scar will fade. She's now just in thearpy for seperation axeinty. Bryan's been busy with scouts and getting things ready for woodbadge this summer. It's crazy how much time it takes before it even happens. I'm doing well also. I was doing physical thearpy 3xs a week but I was in so much pain. So I took a week off and I have felt good so physical thearpy is on hold right now. I just want to see if I feel better without it than with it. I'm always in pain but with pt it was HORRIBLE!!! Anyways other than that and trying to keep up we're pretty busy. Well I need to get back to the dreaded housework.

Much Love!

New pictures...

2009-04-05T20:47:00.003-07:00

Here's a few new pictures of the kids. Too Cute. I promise to get to an update within the next week....

I was lucky enough to "catch" the Easter Bunny at Walmart when I went so I got a free picture! Poor Paigie just wasn't sure about the bunny. She looks like a bunny caught in a fox field!

Jordan's new school picture. I told him to smile really good so I could see that he didn't have many teeth up front.
My beautiful Tarbear. She's so cute and pretty, scars and all.
Paigie is growing up SO freaking fast!!!

Why Women Cry.....

2009-03-28T21:24:00.003-07:00

So I was going through my email and seeing what I had. I came across this story and it touched me again as it did when I first read it so I wanted to post it so you all ould read it. Maybe some of you have read it but I think if you have reread it. I makes me proud to be a wife and mother. Much love!

Why Women Cry...

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said: "When I made woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going> when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly. I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly. And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

Quick update....

2009-03-17T19:07:00.002-07:00

So I haven't updated in awhile. Gosh I don't even remember what was updated last. I'll just go off what I think I haven't said yet. So Tara's eye is doing better. She had steriod injections 2 weeks again. Her scar looks SO great! I'm so happy for her. She'll go back in 2 weeks to the doctor and see how things are. Um what else? I'm not going to be having back surgery. They found out that my bones are aging quicker than I am. So I have 40 yr old bones in a 28 yr old body. And they also found out that I have degeneritive disk disease, which means that my disks are drying out. So I'm in physical thearpy. I go 3 times a week and it's been ok. I've been SO sore lately. I hurt really bad right now. But I'm hoping for the best. Well that's all I can get to right now I need to get kids in bed. I'm hoping to update more later.

Much Love!

BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-12T07:05:00.001-07:00

So I have been so freaking busy it's crazy!!! I do have several updates I just haven't had a chance to sit down and type them out. I just wanted you to know I'm here and alive, barely. I'm hoping to update here by Sunday. So keep your eye out for a new update! ttyal!

Much Love!

Danaology...

2009-03-05T13:15:00.002-07:00

Got this on Facebook and thought I'd kill time and fill it out......Let others know a little more about yourself, re-post this as your name
followed by "ology"

FOOD-OLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice?
Ranch all the way way

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Applebees or Olive Garden are tied

What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?
Pizza, I LOVE pizza!

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
bacon, ham, pineapple and extra sauce

What do you put on your toast?
Butter or peanut butter

TECHNOLOGY

How many televisions are in your house?
2, one in the living room and one in our bedroom

What color cell phone do you have?
Blue LG

What does the first text message in your inbox say and who sent it?
Hmm that means I should go find my phone? lol.....Ok it says "Ditto times goober!" and it's from Bryan! lol....

Who was the last person to call you?
Bryan

BIOLOGY

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Gallbladder and tonsils

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
um I helped life a little car in high school...

BULLCRAPOLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
yes and then again no. Yes so I can spend the time with my family and friends, no because then I would always worry about it

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
No I would just an another N to it so people stop calling me Dayna...

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
NO! Just thinking about it is giving me heart burn!!!! now for 10000 maybe....

DUMBOLOGY

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
1 and I LOVE them!

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
Um 2007....I was speeding so they say! HA HA!

Last person you talked to in person:
Tara

Favorite Month?
December

CURRENTOLOGY

Missing someone?
Bryan, he's been working SO much lately I hardly see him. Absence DOES really make the heart grow stronger!

Mood?
Tired

What are you listening to?
The radio on a station I'm not sure how it go turned to...it's WIERD music! Like Techno or something....

Watching?
Tara being a cute helper.... :)

Worrying about?
A lot of things right now actually

RANDOMOLOGY

Whats the last movie you watched?
HSM 3 (for those who don't know what that is. High School Musical 3)

Do you smile often?
Daily! But you would too if you could just spend a day with my kids!

Do you always answer your phone?
No, everyone knows that though. LOL!

Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Probably from Katie...my sis in law

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Just make them more bluer...

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
Cherry

Do you own a digital camera?
yes

Have you ever had a pet fish?
yes

Favorite Christmas song?
I have a few songs but mostly Breathe of Heaven by Amy Grant

Whats on your wish list for your birthday?
A new iPod or blackberry!

Can you do push ups?
yes

Can you do a chin up?
Maybe one! LOL!

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
In this economy, NERVOUS!

Do you have any saved texts?
I try to but always end up deleting them....

Ever been in a car wreck?
yup about 5. still recovering from my most current one, but most of you should know that...

Do you have an accent?
I don't think so...

What is the last song to make you cry?
I'm yours by Jason Marz

Plans tonight?
As soon as Jordan gets home in a hour I'm headed to town to take Tara to speech thearpy and run around town.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
All the time

Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Hmm Pizzas for dinner, corn nuts for a snack today, and Dr Pepper! LOL That's all SO healthy...NOT!

Have you ever been given a rose?
yes

Current worry?
Money

Current hate right now?
Money

Met someone who changed your life? When?
Bryan 1999

What song represents you?
Changes by 3 Doors Down (it's in my playlist)

What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Sleeping

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Man it's HOT in here! lol.

Flash back...

2009-03-01T19:38:00.006-07:00

So I got looking at my pictures on here and I found a few that just make me smile and think how quickly time has flown. Here's a flash back! I tried to get these in order but I didn't. Anyways you'll have to just guess who is who....I'll upload a few more later. Much love!

Tag 6-6-6

2009-02-27T12:59:00.004-07:00

Tag 6-6-6

Rules: Go to the document setting/my pictures on your computer
Choose your 6th file
Choose your 6th picture
Blog about it...tag 6 people

This is the best picture I got of the kids on 4th of July. The just didn't want to sit still. I wanted to get a good pictures because I dressed them in matching clothes, which for some wierd reason I get a kick out of. They are still cute though! My loves right there!

I'm tagging
1. Darla
2. Amy T
3. Annette
4. Kara
5. Leora
6. Bryan (not that he'll do it.)

Without thoughts....

2009-02-27T12:52:00.002-07:00

I sit here at the computer oringally to type up an update about everything going on but in my mind there's no real words forming. Life is so hard sometimes you sometimes wonder about why do things happen? I don't have all the answers, what I do know is that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and is there for me and my family and friends. That alone is such a comforting thought....especially given what has happened to a dear friend of mine. My friend Charly, from my lds board, has lost her daughter. She was born at 19 weeks pregnant, stillborn. I have no words to describe how sad and shocked I am for her. All I keep thinking is life just isn't fair? And why? Why are there so many babies out there that get born to undeserving parents when there's SO many deserving wanting parents that would give those babies a wonderful life. That's one thing I just can't seem to get over, it's one that comes with no answers, no comforting. I just pray that the Lord will make this easier for the See Family and that they might have comfort. If you follow this blog please say a prayer for my dear friend. Charly, I'm so sorry. I love you so very much and hope that you know you've got so many people praying for you.

Much Love to everyone.

The results are in....

2009-02-19T20:22:00.005-07:00

Well I went to the doctor to get my results of my MRI done last week. It turns out that I have still 5 cracked vertebrea as well as right now I have 2 buldging or herrniated disks. I have 2 options right now. I can either do physical thearpy for many weeks with the hopes it works and if it doesn't then surgery, or I can just go straight to surgery. I personally am leaning towards that. I have an appointment with a spine specialist next Thursday. I'll know more then. I found this information though on webmd.com and I thought I'd post it. I have the following:

"Some of the diagnoses that may need surgery include:

Herniated discs: a potentially painful problem in which the hard outer coating of the discs, which are the circular pieces of connective tissue that cushion the bones of the spine, are damaged, allowing the discs’ jelly-like center to leak, irritating nearby nerves. This causes severe sciatica and nerve pain down the leg. A herniated disc is sometimes called a ruptured disc.

Vertebral fractures: fractures caused by trauma to the vertebrae of the spine or by crumbling of the vertebrae resulting from osteoporosis. This causes mostly mechanical back pain, but it may also put pressure on the nerves, creating leg pain. "

And here is what it looks like

This is a herniated disk:

This is a herniated disk that is also pushing on the nerve, which is where the majority of my pain is coming from.

So anyways I'm leaning towards surgery not because I want it just because I haven't had much luck with phyiscal thearpy in my family and I don't know if I want to go that route and still have a chance I'll end up in surgery. Plus I'm having a lot of pain now I can't imagine how much I'll have after they push on the spots that hurt like crazy....any thoughts would be great! Anyways I'm off to take a pain pill and go to bed!

Much love!

Homemade Fun!!

2009-02-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

Homemade Fun!!The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!2. What I create will be just for you.3. It'll be done this year.4. You have no clue what it's going to be. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange !The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re post this on your blog and extend the same offer to 5 people! You know, Keep the cycle going!So the first 5 people to leave a comment, and post this on their blog, win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! *Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!*

New pictures....

2009-02-15T18:51:00.007-07:00

It's been awhile since I posted some pictures....so here ya go

A few of the wreck....

This is the seat Paigie was on.

This is where Jordan was sitting. Everything wrapped around Jordan, I'm still in shock he didn't have a scratch or broken leg, or even bruise!

A look from the back of the van. You can see how far the side door got pushed in.

This is a video I took of the van......It's so crazy to me! Thank you Lord for blessing us so much!!!!

The kids being silly

Tara and her favorite kitty, Maple. She named it Maple because it reminded her of her favorite donut, a maple bar.

Me and the kids...man I look like CRAP!!!!

The kids and Maple.....

The kids all hanging out in Jordan's bed.

We had Chinese Chicken Salad one night and Paigie had it EVERYWHERE!

Jordan and his favorite animal, Pepper The Penguin

I told Tara to go get a picture of Jordan at his first game and she came back with this picture....I like it!

He runs SO FAST!!!!

Isn't he so cute?!!?! I'm SO proud of him!!!

A LONG overdue update....

2009-02-15T17:32:00.006-07:00

It's been so long since I've been on here to update things and so much has changed. So I guess we'll just start with each person in my family and go from there, at least that seems like the easy way to get everything in.

So Bryan's been doing good. Just working and working and working. Here before too long he's going to be getting ready to go to Wood badge again. He's so excited. He went last year and loved it then got asked to be on staff this year. So between work and scouts it seems like he isn't home much. Other than that he's doing really well.

Jordan's doing great too. Still loving school. He's doing really really well in school. Seems to just fit right in. He's been doing basketball lately and LOVES it. I asked him if he wanted to do soccer this year and he told me no all he wants to do is basketball. I personally think he just likes it cause he gets to run a lot. But he's been doing really well. I'm hoping to get some pictures and such posted on that. Hmm what else? Not much going on with him just school and basketball.

Tara's doing good. She finally got the OK to go back to school last week and so we went on Tuesday. I didn't have a good feeling about it the whole time but went anyways. She had had a bad night on Monday night when she learned she could go back. She spent the night crying and was so upset. I told her I'd go with her, as I had planned to go with her the first week anyways, and stay with her. So we went and it was so horrible! She wouldn't leave me alone but for 5 mins, and me sitting on the little chairs and cold floor about killed me, not to mention I had to take Paigie and all the kids just followed her around so NO one got anything done. So I had been thinking for awhile to take her out of headstart, and this just made me feel it more. So I talked to Bryan about it, who said he didn't care and would support me in whatever I chose. So I talked to my mom, the doctor, the school district and her speech therapist to get all opinions I needed then I slept on it. The more and more I talked to other people the more and more at peace I was with my choice. I sat Tara down and explained to her I wanted to know what she wanted to do and why. I made sure she understood she'd have to go to school next year. When I'd talk about Headstart she'd get upset and cry, then when I'd talk about school next year she got SO excited about going on the bus and going with some friends. I just knew it was the right choice. So I called up headstart and talked to our family advocate, she too agreed and even admitted that she and the teachers had a feeling we'd come to this. So I pulled her out. I'm just not willing to put her through more trauma than she's already been in, and it just wasn't an option to have me go every time. SO she is no longer in school. I was at peace when I had made the decision but now typing it out and hearing a little more from some other people I'm disappointed in me. I feel like it was all me being selfish and that maybe it wasn't the right choice. I don't know. I had felt at peace SO much, why the change now? It doesn't matter anymore, I can't go back so I should just move on.... Anyways she seems to be healing OK. Her headaches seem to be OK. Now all we have is her scar on her eye. There seems to be either a piece of glass or some unresolved stitches on the corner. So we're watching it right now. We're really hoping it'll work itself out. Cutting her open again is just not really an option to me. So other than that she's doing well........well OK I guess. She seems to be having some issues lately, and I unfortunately know the reason why. She's been acting out SO much. At first I thought it was just a stage but now when I sit and think about it, it's so clear. She needs the attention. I hadn't thought about it till now. And now I feel SO guilty and upset I let it happen. Lately it's just all Jordan and school and basketball and Paigie and therapy and such, where is Tara? I've taken SO much away from her thinking it was the best and turns out it wasn't. Just saying that is bringing tears to my eyes. I feel like I've failed her in so many ways. Like I've let her down. I often wonder will she forgive me looking back? Things were going so good when we first started the school year. It seemed like we were just in a nice busy rut, at times I'd complain about being busy, but all in all it was a nice routine we had. Then the wreck happened and it seemed to just turn things upside down over and over again. My first thought always was my kids and most importantly Tara. I must admit that I'm pulled towards her. She's SO much like me!!! I feel like if I can take a few things away from her I can save her from hurt that I had growing up, but it always seems to back fire. So when the wreck happened I thought she just needs to be by me, so I cut school and speech therapy out and added a counselor. Looking back I did make those choices with her best intentions in mind, it just wasn't the right thing to do. I shouldn't have altered her life more than it needed. SO I've added speech therapy back to once a week and it seems to have helped. I'm also going to try to start doing something special with her AT LEAST once a week. She just seeks, NEEDS, the one on one attention! I feel like I owe it to her. So that's what's up with Tara, so I kinda went off but I've just had SO many things bottled up with that I just needed to get them out.

You know it's always amazing to me to see how different each child is. You'd think they'd be so much a like but different in their own way. I'm amazed daily at how animated Paige is. She's growing up SO fast!!! I'm just in shock most days at how quickly time is flying. She's doing really well. She's talking like crazy!!! It's so funny to see her. I told Bryan just last night that I think she's taking after him. I can totally see her up on a stage. I think that what she'll do. I just cut her hair for the first time. I'll post pictures after this. She finally hit 20 lbs! YAY!!!!!! I'm still not putting her forward facing yet. I just am not ready yet. I've been having problems with her sleeping. Maybe some of you BTDT (been there done that) mommies could help me out with that. She slept REALLY good before the wreck even after it, it wasn't until about 3 weeks later she started having problems SO instead of staying up for hrs on end I made the mistake of letting her sleep with us. It's the ONLY way we all get sleep but now I'm having a hard time moving her. I just want to let her CIO (cry it out) but then I don't know if she's ready for it or not. I don't know. I'm trying to decide if I want to move her out of her crib to a toddler bed. I have so many things that I'm just not sure about with her. Part of it is just because I'm not sure she's ready, and most of it I'll admit, is I'm not sure I'M ready. I'm just not ready for my baby to be so big, ya know? I sometimes fill like time is just going on without me. Anyways any advice on that would be great!

SO now on to me, and in turn probably the longest part of this post. Things are moving slowing with me. I had a doctors appointment last Monday. It went OK. I had an update xray and blood work. The xray showed my ribs are healing nicely, after re-breaking them of course. I should be completely healed with in the next 6 weeks! YAY! Well at least the ribs that is. My blood work came back that my liver is again having issues. The enzymes are elevated again and my anemic is getting worse. OK tell me if this sounds right or not. They said that I needed to have an additional 325 mg of iron 3x a day!!!! That's a crazy amount!!! I didn't think it was that much until I started looking for iron pills. You can only get up to 50 mg per pill!!!! That's crazy!!!! That's like 5 pills 3x a day!!! That's A LOT of pills. Does that seem right to anyone??? So then after the appointment he wanted me to get an MRI. All I have to say with that is HOLY CRAP!!! Ok let's just say right here and now I'm EXTREMELY claustrophobic!!! I was so sick Tuesday night waiting for it. I just was worried like crazy. So I went in and after a huge deal with the hospital I was to go in at 2. They called the doc to get me some meds to relax me, but of course as with most drugs they forgot to give me a bigger dose and so it didn't work. I have a HIGH tolerance to pills in general, thanks dad, and so it takes more to effect me. A good and bad thing I suppose. On one hand I don't normally take anything unless I REALLY need it but then when I do I take A LOT to effect me. Anyways so it didn't effect me and I spent the whole 30 mins in the MRI with two wash clothes on my eyes crying and singing any and all church songs, praying like crazy that I could do it. I was fine until I needed to itch my finger and went to reach up 1/4 inch and touched the top. FREAKY is all I have to say about that. So I did it, without the drugs. They told me they'd give me the results within 24 hrs,that would be Thursday....that day comes and goes and nothing. So I call and talk to the nurse and she's like oh they did get them back but they wanted to make sure what they found was correct so they sent it up to someone else to double check things. Um ok? Thanks for the great start to a LONG weekend! LOL! Hello you don't tell someone that! I won't hear from them till Tuesday....ugh. So anyways I'm just waiting. But there are a lot of things happening that my mind is sorta off it. So after I take the pill they tell me I can't drive or be alone for 4-6 hrs after. Cool no prob I thought because my brother had agreed to take me around so I wouldn't be alone. Well I get done with the MRI, and my brother is there to help me out, I'm like don't worry you don't need to help me it didn't work. Stupid pill anyways. He then takes me to take the kids to their counseling appointment and sees his MIL (mother in law) She wanted to go to Pocatello and needs help getting around. So Kilby comes up to me and asks 4 times if I'm ok. I'm like yeah I'm fine I don't feel sleepy or anything. So he's like is it ok if I go? I'm like sure. I'll just go to here then over to Niss's house(my sister). SO anyways he leaves me alone and leaves for Pocatello. Something I didn't think was THAT big of an issue then but I wasn't expecting for things to happen. So 45 mins after he leaves me and the kids, the pill kicks in to it's full potential. Lovely. I'm now sleepy and groggy stuck at the doctor not feeling well. So we get done there and head to my sisters house. Which looking back I probably shouldn't have drove. I should have just called my bro in law and had him get me, but I didn't want to upset him or put him out, so I just go and drive by myself. So I end up at my sisters house and she asks what's going on. I told her I had my MRI and had a pill and that Kilb had gone to Pocky. She gets SO upset. She's like he ditched you to go to Pocky? I'm like I guess, but I did tell him I was ok, but that was before the pill hit me. Anyways so this whole thing explodes in my family. Honestly I can see how things happened but I'm still wondering why in the crap is everyone STILL mad? So anyways Kilb shows up and takes me out to my parents house to change the oil in the suburban, I'm borrowing my parents suburban while we try to get a car (THANKS MOM AND DAD!!!!) so we're waiting and it took him FOREVER! We finally get ready to leave and he takes me home. Then him and Katie get home and my dad is PISSED OFF!!!! So he gets all upset and such about a lot of things that seem to have been adding up with everyone. So the next day Kilb and Katie just up and move out of my parents house. I was SHOCKED to say the least. I talked to Kilb trying to get him to calm down and think things through and that I didn't think it was a great idea. Needless to say he did it anyway, so by the time my parents get home everything he's ever bought is gone from their house. My mom is upset and wondering what's going on and my dad just thinks it's kinda funny. It's what he wanted, for them to move on and get a great life and be themselves. Anyways my mom calls me and talks me to me and I ask about her thoughts and she goes on to say it was my fault that they moved out and that they weren't ready. Anyways this whole thing has escalated so much more than I think it should have of. My mom isn't talking much to me, Kilb isn't talking to my dad or sister and it seems like there's so much fuzz in the air it's crazy!!!! I have to say so maybe you can understand it more, my family is my life! If I don't talk to them in more than a day I feel weird. And it always seems to put me in the middle, I'm always the one that everyone comes to and that's normally ok with me because I'm always wanting to fix things. I'm a fixer, a happy one at that. I want things to be happy and fine. I hate confrontation, especially with my family. So I'm trying so hard to get things to get back to "normal" and it just isn't working. I hate that we're all fighting, I hate that it adds so much more stress to my life than I need, I hate that I let it effect me so much. I just want everyone to get along for heavens sake!!!!!! Can't we just be happy?! LOL that's what I want to yell. Anyways so things are stressful with my family, stressful worrying about medical bills, stressful worrying about what really is wrong, stressful wondering if I did the right thing with Tara and how to fix things, stressful wondering what to do with Paige, just stressful. I feel like I just need to get out and scream so loudly! Normally I'd get on the treadmill and run for an hr or so but I can't, GROWL. I want to walk or exercise or something. But can't so that leaves loud music and blogging. Thank heavens for the internet and blogger! LOL. So that's what's going on with us. A LOT really. Thanks for making it this far. Thanks to all those that are still praying for me and my family, they are being felt daily. Thanks for everyone that's been there for me lately. I guess I'll end this and get some happy pictures on.....

Much Love!

SO true!!!

2009-02-15T17:17:00.004-07:00

Ok so I found this on a friend's blog. It's so true!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEDIyztZGBA

For the life of me I can't get it to put the video in my blog so you'll just have to go to youtube.

Happy LOVE day!!!

2009-02-14T18:44:00.002-07:00

Hi everyone! Things are so crazy lately!!! And so much has changed!!! I'll be updating my blog tomorrow with everything but for now I wanted to wish you all HAPPY LOVE DAY!

Freedom and blessings.

2009-01-28T15:44:00.003-07:00

OK so a lot has happened in the last day or so. I went into the doctor yesterday and had my check up. Things seemed to going well. He said I sounded really clear and it seemed like my ribs are healing nicely. He's worried about how my back is going to heal because it's so tender. He didn't do an Xray we'll do one in 2 weeks. He said that I could finally drive, be by myself, do a little house work, and even return back to working at the Apple. (The gym I work out...in their day care area.) I'm SO excited. It's like I have freedom again!! It's so nice. But then again on the other hand it's so scary. I drove home yesterday and was so scared. I'm borrowing my parents suburban. (BTW, thanks mom and dad! You've been so awesome with being there for us and helping us out. I love you both so very much and am so grateful for all you've done for me, Bryan and the kids.) It's just scary when it moves or slides. It gets to the point that if I even talk about sliding I break down in tears. It might take me a little while to get my confidence back up with driving on the ice and snow covered roads. Anyways so that's a work in progress. He also did some blood work. It came back OK. My liver and kidney function are back down to normal. YAY! However, my anemic levels are worse than before. So they are doing a little more blood work to find out if the reason I'm anemic is because of the blood loss or because I'm not getting enough iron. I've been taking some vitamins with extra iron and it still isn't helping. I'm hoping to hear the results back by tomorrow. He also checked out Tara and is concerned with a few things. She has these two indents in her skull. It looks as if it would be right where she hit her head on the car seat in the wreck. For the life of me I can't remember if she had them before the wreck or not. I swear she didn't. So we're watching that. Also she has a spot on her eye, in the corner where it seems like there is a few stitches that haven't dissolved yet and are just festering. So we're putting some things on her scar soften it and maybe see if they will dissolve on their own, if they don't think she'll have to have it cut open and restitched. I hope hope HOPE they don't have to do that. She's been through SO much I just don't think she will put up with more. So she is delayed at least another week from school. She was going to start next week but the doctor wants to hold of till we get her headaches under control and those stitches dissolve. So things are moving slowly but surely.

You know with all that's happened in the last month I've grown so much. In many many ways. I've grown as a person, parent, daughter, and so much in my love and belief of the gospel of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Something will happen and I'll think wow we are loved and cared for by our Heavenly Father and then something more will happen where I'll think wow even more? I just keep thinking with all the blessings we've had and support that we really won't get any more or deserve anymore really. But we had something happen last night that again left me speechless and in awe. We have some good friends that life in Utah. Anyways we knew they were praying for us and sending their love and we felt that was great. Well a friend that lives here went down to see them and came back with an envelope for us. I was thinking it was just a letter and maybe a little money in it. What was in it was more than I ever thought was. And what was it? It was a letter saying they were happy to hear we were doing good and that they were continually praying for us and also that they had hoped this check they sent would help us out. So I turn over the check and it's for get this $250.00!!!!! My jaw dropped open, I said Holy crap and started to cry. I handed it to Bryan and he did the same. What you should understand is with Bryan not working for a lot his checks have been MUCH smaller than expected and truthfully, we've had a hard time paying some bills. There's several things that we've had to make arrangements for. I had been praying the last two days that some how we could get some money that could help us now and let me, mainly, get my different medicines that I needed. So to have this show up and be this much, the exact amount we needed, is such a huge blessing. Even now I'm still in awe. I didn't realize how much my Heavenly Father loved me till now. Yes something bad and scary happened to us, but something so much better and wonderful has come from it. I'm so grateful to have the gospel in my life and so happy to know that we are indeed loved and cared for. SO to all those that have helped or prayed thank you so very much!!! I don't know if you all know what it means to me or my family but it means a lot. I pray that one day I may return the favor, until then....

Much love!

Random Thoughts.....

2009-01-25T10:42:00.003-07:00

OK so it'll be a month tomorrow since our wreck. I've done so much growing and changing since then. I wanted to post a few things from my LDS board that I've posted but didn't post here.

Posted Jan 8th:

"hi girls so i found out something today that for some odd unknown reason upsets me. my van is gone. we go through gieco insurance and the local agent is in slc so they took my van and sent it to slc to have it inspected and such. they took it yesterday. for some reason this really upsets me, to the point of tears. i wanted, needed, to go and see the inside and what not. had they told me i would have gone over and looked at it. i didn't get everything out either. now what? i don't know but it just makes things so final. i don't know how else to put it. just typing it right now its bringing tears to my eyes. i called Bryan and told him and started crying. he said i know babe it upsets me too. we'll talk more later tonight. i just don't know. it's silly really that something that so dare i say worldly? has upset me so much. anyways i just had to come post this somewhere. i just don't know how to deal. on the plus side i talked to the doc today and he said that my depression meds are low and he up'd it and also changed the meds. I've been in a lot of pain lately and we found out its because the meds they were giving me had too much accetomephine, which in turn was causing havoc on my liver and spleen. anyways things are worked out now and I'm starting to feel a little better. i soaked in the tub last night and it was heaven! oh and also on the plus side, since the wreck 2 weeks ago I've lost 20 lbs! mainly cause i cant eat much cause my digestive system is still sleeping and not working...but wouldn't you think that with things not being absorbed or pushed through id weigh more not less? it just confuses me. anyways that's whats up with me."

Posted Jan 11

"hi girls! how are your Sunday?! well i did it. i made it to church. it was SO nice to get there. I knew we made the right choice to go. me and my 2 pillows. lol. we stayed for the whole thing cause i wanted to go to RS and now i wish i hadn't. I've pushed it too much. yesterday i was out to Jordan's game which was awesome. then i rode to town with my parents and then came home and waited for Bryan to get home then he's family was having a late Christmas gathering so we went down there, i didn't do anything but lay around but it was nice and then church today...holy crap i think i WAY over did it. i hurt so badly. last night my lower back started to hurt. i hadn't yet felt the pain with the cracked vertebra until now. now not only are my ribs killing my but my lower back is as well. I'm kinda upset. but this wont stop my next week from going to church. next time we'll just do sacrament. a lot of people were so surprised to see me up. it was nice to hear from people and their well wishes and prayers. we felt so loved and blessed. yesterday my dad called and was like you know you're van is still here? I'm like what!? and he's like it's here in the same spot it always has been. I'm like that's weird. so i took advantage of it and today we went and got everything else out i wanted. and let me tell you girls this is the first time I've seen the inside of the van. and once again I'm amazed and stunned and blessed that it didn't turn out any worse. you can't tell from the pictures how incredibly bad it really was. I'm telling you, if you could see it youd be shocked we didn't have more injuries than what we have. the side door where impact was is pushed all the way to the middle of the van. imagine if you can having one side door in the middle of your vehicle. then i saw the seat that was in the middle, the one Paige was on. it now doesn't sit and is sideways. and where Jordan and Tara sat. oh my crap. it truly is a miracle Jordan doesn't have any more injuries than what he had. honestly i do NOT know why he doesn't have a broke leg or arm or anything. i just do not know how in the world we survived that without a death, i really don't. and then i saw my seat. i should have more injuries, i really should. a broke hip or something with my shoulder. i just am in awe, and totally shock. girls i know without a shadow of doubt that my Heavenly Father was with me and my family that night. He knew this was suppose to happen, and He knew what we'd go through. He knew we needed to have this happen for us to truly see what was important in life. And I honestly believe that He only let us get hurt with what He knew each of us could endure. I love Him so very much. I'm so grateful for the gospel. Without it I'd be lost. Today at church it was rather interesting. I felt as if everything that was said was for us. Every meeting talked about trails and challenges. And how you have 2choices. either harden your heart and have a hard time or soften your heart, let Him in and learn. I'm so glad we were able to know that this was His doing and that we need to turn everything to Him."

Posted Jan 16

"well girls i took a pain pill and it's kicking in. I'm going to lay down today. today is an exciting day for me. I'm home alone with kids! YAY no babysitting for me! lol Jordan has a 4 day weekend so he's home and he's my huge helper so everyone agreed to let me have a day, that in itself is kinda crazy to me. I'm a 28 yr old mommy of 3 and had to beg my husband, mommy, daddy, and other family and friends to let me just spend the day in my house with my kids all by myself....LOL sounds ridiculous! oh well. at least I know I'm loved"

Posted Jan 22

"OH and i forget to say we heard from the insurance. we still owed on the van. i was so worried about not getting pay off and we having a lot of money to roll over into a new loan for a new car. well they called and said the van was totaled, duh! and they are going to pay most of the van. we'll only have about 400 left on the loan! that's such a blessing!!! i just can't believe it! i was thinking we'd for sure have at least a thousand but they were able to give us a really good quote and such. so the van will be paid off by the end of the month, other than the 400 and i get to go car shopping!!! YAY!!!"

So those were just some random thoughts. I'll be back later to do a little update on things, and if I can find my blasted camera I'll post a few more pictures of the van and other things! Till then...

Much Love!

3 weeks....

2009-01-16T23:23:00.002-07:00

Well it's been 3 weeks. How crazy is that to think about? Things are slowly starting to get back to normal life, if that's even possible. I doubt we'll ever be like we were but we're going to try to get it as close as we can. So I guess you're all wondering about an update. It's a little over do. Well Bryan's the same. He's completely healed and just back to the normal grind of work. He's been working A LOT of hours this week. He got so behind with the holidays and then the wreck. But he's caught up and is so happy to have the weekend here. Jordan's doing great as well. He seems to be so much like Bryan. He's point is, the wreck is done and over can't we just get on with it already? LOL. He gets SO annoyed for the most part when people keep asking about it and to see pictures and then to see his lip. But he's a perfect little gentleman and is so gracious to people. He's lip is healing nicely. He's got some of the scar tissue that seems to be rising a little so we're putting some scar things on it and hopefully it'll be all good in a few months. Where they stitched you can hardly tell, the doctor did a wonderful job. He's still doing great as far as dealing with everything. Paigie is doing great as well. She is physically healed completely as well. However, she has seemed to stop sleeping at night. She just doesn't sleep for longer than 4 hours without being by me. She'll be sleeping great and it'll be nice and quiet then all the sudden she'll start screaming bloody murder! It's enough for us to jump out of bed! LOL. Normally I do the CIO method. (cry it out) Which means I just let her cry while listening to her and let her soothe herself to go back to sleep. That has not proved to be successful like it has in the past. She screamed for 3 hrs the other night. She's fine if I go get her and cuddle her she'll go right down but the minute I lay her back down she wakes up. So she's, unfortunately, been sleeping in the bed with me. It's the only way Bryan and I can get the sleep we need. Which is OK for now, I guess. I mean Bryan NEEDS his sleep for work and to just get things done and I NEED my sleep to get better so it's just going to have to work for now. Tara's doing great as well. She'll be able to go back to school the first Monday in Feb. She's kinda freaking out about it. I'm afraid we're going to have a lot of problems with her. She just is scared to let me out of her sights. Not that I blame her. Lately she's been feeling kinda icky. She's been running a high fever and had a horrid headache. I'm hoping she's over it though because she hasn't run as high fever today and was actually playing with Jordan. Her eye is looking nice...well as nice as it can. We had an appointment with a plastic surgeon on Monday. She suggested we do the scar repair stuff and let it heal itself. She's pretty sure we will not have to do any more surgery. YAY! That was great news. So hopefully in a few more weeks she'll be back to herself! Double YAY! As far as me I'm healing. It's such a slow and painful road. I went to the doctor on Tuesday to recheck things. He said my lungs sound great and it seems like my organs are healing nicely. I had xrays done to make sure things are healing with the broke/fractured bones. It was cool cause I got to see where my bones are broken. And I got to find out that all my ribs on my right side are fractured or broken. The first 6 are just hairline fractures and then you can see about an inch from my spine a clean break in bottom 6. The ones that are broke are broken by my spine and also have hairline fractures towards the outside of my side, right where the curve to the front. It's as if the just came in on themselves. So that's going to take a LOT longer to heal than we thought. He couldn't see the fractures in my lumbar but that was because we couldn't get a good xray....it hurt so bad to lay there that I'd move before they could take it. He also did some blood work to make sure things are OK there. It came back showing my blood count was elevated, but nothing more than what you would expect with the trauma I've been through. Also it shows I'm still slight anemic, which I was extremely anemic in the hospital. And the one thing that came back from the blood work that they are watching very closely was my liver function. It came back as 3 times what it should be, meaning my liver is working way too hard. So he changed my pain meds to something with not so much acetaminophen, which seems to be working so much better, and said that I needed to be down more. I'll go back in 2 weeks to recheck everything. So that's an update on all of us. As far as the van is concerned it's in Utah right now. They finally called and said it is for sure totalled, um DUH! We'll know by Monday or Tuesday if we'll get enough to pay off the loan we have on it or if we'll still owe some, which will in turn tell us what we can do as far as another vehicle. Anyways we're just taking it one day at a time. I want to say thanks again real quick for every ones prayers! They are helping are are greatly appreciated! It's not midnight and my pain pills have kicked in so I'm going to end this but I'll have more things to write about tomorrow. Till then...

Much love!

2 weeks later....

2009-01-10T10:13:00.002-07:00

Well it's been 2 weeks now since the wreck. I have mixed emotions on that. On one hand I think wow it's been 2 weeks already and the other I'm thinking it's ONLY been 2 weeks!? All that aside things are moving along nicely. Jordan is pretty much healed completely from everything. He had his stitches out a week ago and unless you're really close you can't even tell he had stitches. I'm amazed at the wonderful job the plastic surgeon did. Tara is still healing. You can tell she's feel better because more and more I have to remind her to not run, or jump, or get all hyper. Poor girl. She's so tired of not being a kid. Her eye is still healing. It looks so bad. We go on Monday to an eye plastic surgeon and we'll see if she'll need anymore surgery or if she'll just have a few really nasty scars. I'm just praying that if she does she'll be able to deal with them OK. I'm so afraid of this making a huge lasting bad effect on her. She has a set date to go back to school. She's so excited and then again scared. I'm excited to have a date to kinda return to normal life, whatever that may be. As for myself, I'm healing...oh so slowly! I get doing really well then something happens and I take several steps backwards. I've started the dreaded healing itches. Oh my crap!!! I don't itch like where my ribs are hurt or my back just where I have bruises. And man do they itch!!!! I want to itch off my skin it seems like! I've had a kinda bad week. I've had to deal with no pain meds for a few days then the doc got me some more and they didn't even touch me and now I'm back to my original pain meds and they are working wonderfully! I found I still cannot sleep on my bed, thank heavens I have a comfortable couch! As far as everything else it's moving nicely. I had a bad day earlier when I called the insurance and realized they moved the van to Salt Lake City. For some reason that really upset me to the point of tears. I just makes things so final. I wasn't ready for it to be gone, not only did I not get to look inside like I wanted, but there were still a few things that needed cleaned out. I guess they get to mail them. But we'll know by Tuesday what's going on with that. Obviously it's totaled but we still don't know how much we'll get and such. As far as the medical we had some bad and good news with that. I originally didn't think we would get a pain and suffering settlement because we were the at fault car and I had thought Bryan would get his loss wages back. HOWEVER, it's actually the opposite. Bryan will not get any of his wages back because he's the at fault driver. BUT the kids and I will get a pain and suffering settlement. I'm not expecting much but it's nice to know we'll get something. I often wonder if my pain is in vain.....I mean I'm not saying that something worldly makes it better but I'm just saying it's nice to know that I'll get something out of it. Does that even make sense? To the drugged me it does..lol. Anyways that's what's going on here. Today we get to get out of the house and go to somewhere other than the doctors! Today is Jordan's first basketball game! I'm so excited for him!!! It'll be nice to get out! Speaking of that I need to go and get ready. Thanks for keeping up with us. It's going to be a SLOW process but we'll make it through!

Much love!

A few more pictures and a quick update.

2009-01-01T20:36:00.003-07:00

So it was SO nice being home last night. We had a few friends over to celebrate the holiday as well as me being home. It was a nice evening. I'm doing ok. I'm still extremely sore and in some pain. I'm having the worst problem with trying to just stay down, but my injuries luckily make it so I can't help even though I REALLY want to. Tara's doing really good as well. She'll be seeing the thearpist tomorrow and I'm interested to hear what she wants or has to say about the wreck. The doctors as well as the case workers from the hospital all recommeneded both Jordan and Tara see a thearpist for a few weeks, just to make sure they didn't have nightmares and such. I agreed and so I made appts. Also tomorrow Jordan will get his stitches out. He's extreemely scared about this. He keeps asking if they can make him sleep while they do it. I have a feeling it might be a bad experiance for him, but they do need to come out. Luckily we've talked about it a lot and I think he's getting a little more relaxed. So things here are just moving slowly. We were able to get our truck back from the mechanic. A LONG story, of which I won't get into it now because it upsets me and angers me VERY much. I'm just grateful Bryan has something to go back and forth to work with. Speacking of work, Bryan will go back tomorrow. I'm sure he's not looking forward to it but he's been SO bored here. Not that I blame him, but he's a go and do kinda guy and I'm more than happy to just lay around all day, at least for a few days. So that's what's going on. We still aren't sure what's going to happen with the van. We are through Geico and they don't have any field agents close to us so we're having to do everything by phone and through the wreckers place. (oh and speaking of that if any of you that live in this area want to see the van in person, it's shocking, it's at Eatons Towing, here in Shelley.) ANyways even though we are having to work with them by phone, I have to say I've been impressed thus far. They call on a daily basis and tell us what's going on with their side then ask what's on our side and then let us know what to expect in the next day or so. I'm hoping for the best with the van but only time will tell. Well I've got a few pictures of Jordan and Tara and then I'm going to head to bed.

Much love!

She kinda looks like she's wearing a mask

Jordan and his stitches

You can really see how bad it is.

Best blessing yet!

2008-12-31T07:33:00.001-07:00

So I was told yesturday that I *might* be able to come home today. I had to do a few things and such to make sure I was ready. I've been working hard, but not too hard, to be ready and the doctor just came in and said,

I GET TO GO HOME TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't tell you how awesome that is! I really wanted to be home for New Years Eve and with my family. I just am so blessed and excited!

Thanks again to all those that have helped me through this and sent many prayers my way. Although I realize it's going to be an uphill battle still, my and Tara's injuries can come back if we're not extremely careful for the next 6 weeks, I'm just so grateful to go home and do it there! We'll I'm off to get things ready here!

MUCH LOVE!!

Update on us all

2008-12-30T03:59:00.002-07:00

Well I thought it was about time for an update on us all. Bryan's doing really really well. He said unless he bumps his hip he doesn't realize that he's hurt. Paige is doing better as well. She's back to eating well and running around and giggling. She just seems to be sore where the car seat was at. Jordan's doing well. He was able to go to his therapist yesterday and was able to talk to someone about it. I think he needed it so badly!!! He was just mopeing around and just so sad and wouldn't talk, totally not like my little man, now he's back to giggling a little and smiling and talking. The therapist said that he said he wasn't have night mares or bad thoughts about the wreck, thank heaven!, and that he seemed to just be a little scared about being on the ice in a car and worried about what was going on with me. We're just trying to keep him updated and let me know what's going on. Which seems to be working well. Tara is home now from Primary Children's, and I couldn't be happier!!! I was able to see her yesterday, and I must say those pictures don't do her justice! Her poor eye just makes me want to cry!!! She seems to be doing a little better, however like Jordan, has become very quiet and standoffish. I'm just letting her get her feet back on the ground. I realize it's going to take awhile for her to heal. Tomorrow she'll go see an eye doctor to double check her eye is healing correctly. She can't run or jump or rough play for at least 4 weeks for fear of the blood returning to her brain. She's not to happy about that, I wouldn't be either. Telling a 4 year old to just wake and not run and play is like trying to get jello to stick to a wall, not the easiest thing but she realizes it will make her headache worse so she is caution about it. As far as me, I'm doing. I'm typing this at 4 am because I let my pain pills run out and am in a little bit of pain. I'm still at the hospital and will be for at least 24 hrs if not longer. I was able to get up yesterday and walk, which might I say hurt so badly!!! My problem that I'm having is when I wake my O2 stats drop really low, like 70% or lower. And I get dizzy. So if I walk I have to have my oxygen on. But at least I'm up and moving. I'm hoping later today they'll remove the cath and I'll be able to go on my own. They won't let me go until I'm had a bowel movement safely. Which means without pain and a lot of blood. Because my intestines were cut they are worried when things run through it that it'll cause it to stress and bleed. Which could start a whole other string of things. So I'm just waiting it out. Tonight I was able to pass a very small amount of gas, I realize that normally wouldn't be anything to brag about but at least something is happening in my basement! lol. Anyways that's what's going on with all of us. Bryan will return to work tomorrow. We're kinda just letting things happen. The reason I had to go pick him up in the first place was because our truck was broken down and was at the mechanic, so we just had 1 car. It was supposed to be done yesterday, however we had somethings (lucky us) happen. We knew the transfer case was going out on the truck we just had hoped it would last little longer. The mechanic got the ignition (the original problem) fixed and took it out for a test drive and the transmission just went out completely. SO now we are down to no cars....period. Bryan's family has been awesome and so supportive that they rented us a car for the weekend but Bryan had to take it back last night. But because the truck is now broke they are now renting us a van, since we don't fit in a car, for the next few days. I can't tell you how much of a relief that is. It's nice to have them there and helping us so much. It's such a huge blessing. And I have to also say to my family, thank you! They've been awesome, as I knew they would be, with helping and been doing so great to juggle everything and take care of the kids so well. And finally, since my pain pills are finally kicking in, I wanted to say thanks to everyone that is thinking or praying for us. It's helped so much! I don't think you realize how much it's helped but it has! I truly believe that the Lord was and is watching over us and that He knows what is best. Thanks again for all your support and concern, it's been so reassuraning!

much love!

more pictures of the wreck

2008-12-29T13:46:00.003-07:00

here's a few pictures of my van....

looking in from the drivers side door to the passengers

looking up at the roof it was bent at at least a 90 degree angle

lookin in from the drivers to the passengers

passengers seat where I was stuck at and extercaded...(is that the right word?)

front of the van....

looking at it from the back

looking at it from the side.

and finally looking at it from the front/side.

The day my life stopped...

2008-12-29T03:10:00.005-07:00

well most of you should know by now that we were in a horrible car wreck last friday.

we were on our way home from getting bryan, because the truck has been broke down for 2 weeks now, anyways we hit a patch of ice and lost control sending us to the oncoming traffic the white vehicle hit the passengar side going about 55 and we were doing about 20. Bryan seems to be ok he just has a bruised hip and sore. Thankfully I push car seats and having them put in correctly, so they saved my kids's life. Paigie just was bruised from the belts in her car seat as well as her face is a little bruise from hitting the side. I luckily still had her rear facing so that helped her a lot. Jordan's car seat ended up in 3 pieces. he has 15 stitches on the outside of his lip as well as the inside where he cut it all the way through. tara and i seem to be the worst. Tara was flown to primary childrens hopsital because she had blood on her brain. she was released yesturday because her CT scan came back neg and the blood had resolved. she is at my moms house recoving. here's a few pictures of her (ill get more on here when i get them)

im still in the hospital. i was moved last night from icu to just the regular floor. i have 5 broken ribs, 4 cracked lower vertabra, and a lasuration on my spleen, liver and upper part of my intestine. i will be starting phyiscal thearpy later today, although im not looking forward to that im ready to do what i need to to come home. ayways that's the updates that i have ill be posting more as more comes in. thanks for all the thoughts and prayers, they're helping us!

much love!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

2008-12-24T20:33:00.003-07:00

I just wanted to wish all my blog readers, family, and friends a very Merry Christmas!!!

(If you can't see this one just click on it to view it in full size.)

Blessings in disguise

2008-12-22T21:23:00.003-07:00

So the week has been really hard on us here. Last monday Bryan went out to start the truck and the ignition broke. So we've been down to one car. Which is hard to do with me running around. I'd have to get up earlier than normal and get the kids ready and my things ready, then I'd drop Jordan off at a friends house, drop Bryan off at work, take Tara to preschool, go workout, go pick up Tara, come home get girls lunch, go get Jordan, come home do homework, go get Bryan and then come home. It's just been SO hard to have one car. Well last night we got A LOT of snow, like say 10 inchest and counting! And of course there were no snow plows out this morning so we were plowing snow in the van, we get almost to town and the fans stop working and the van over heats. I tell Bryan to pull over just then we lose power stering. So we pull over and come to find out we shredded our surpetine belt. Great we went from one car down to no car. So I have to call a wrecker to come get me and take me home, Bryan catches a ride to work, I call my dad and tell him what's up and he tells me to wake up my brother Kilby and have him come help me. So we go to replace this stupid belt, 7 belts and 4 trips later it's still broken. And we're stranded. So maybe you're wondering where's the blessings in that? Well in the whole midst of it I had a lot of "I'm so glad moments." Such as my mom had taken the kids because tonight was suppose to be Bryan's works Christmas party (which was canceled because of weather). If I had had the kids we would have had a real problem with trying to get a wrecker and us home. The other thing I was very glad for was my family. I've learned over many many years that no matter what my family has my back. NO MATTER WHAT! That in itself is such a huge blessing. But to know I can just call and they come and drop everything is such a blessing. My brother dealt with the cold and all the problems just to help me. I learned once he got up here that his truck had died last night and he wanted to try to get it fixed today but he came up to help me...mainly because my dad said to but I asked him when he came up if he would have still come and helped if dad hadn't of said come up and he said, "yeah I would have" You might not know my brother but he's truck is his BABY!! He LOVES that thing. He gets cranky without it, so for him to come help me all day long, in the cold, instead of working on his truck is huge! So my family is a huge blessing today, but luckily for me I had another huge blessing. So our truck is broken. There's something in the steering colum that is broken and not letting us get the ignition in the right spot. Bryan had tried all last week to get it fixed and couldn't then he called his dad and he came up on Sat and said he wasn't sure what was up and to take it to a mechanic. As much as I wanted to do that we just really can't afford it. I told Bryan we just might have to be a one car family for awhile. But he insisted on calling the mechanic and seeing how much it was. So he did today and then called his dad and told him. His dad calls back not an hour later and says, "Just get it to the mechanic we're going to pay for it. Merry Christmas." I don't know if they realize how much of a relief that is! That right there is so huge!!! I'm just so grateful for them even offering to help let alone paying for it! That's a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I can actually sleep tonight without the help of sleep aids, which I haven't done in weeks. So my familys have been such a huge blessing today and there were blessing I knew I had all along but was reminded today how much they do for us! And to top it all off, I'm blessed to have such a great place for Bryan to work for. Not only do I really not have to worry about him still having a job day in and day out they are so awesome about working with us on certin things. He called into work tonight to tell them what was going on they asked him if he had vacation time, which he does, so they just gave him the next two days off and said to come back on Friday. That way he could take care of things here and not worry what a huge blessing. Its so interesting to me that the time."Im thinking poor me or poor us" that I get so many reminders that I am indeed blessed. Although things might not be going how I want or think they should I truly am blessed! To my familys thank you so much! And to everyone reading this if you dont think youre blessed stop and take a step back once you do youll soon realize that there are many things that you might not think are blessings but that are.

Much Love!

My sister...

2008-12-22T21:09:00.002-07:00

So my sister's birthday was yesturday. So enlight of her birthday it's time to do her list.

29 or was it 30? things about my sister! ha ha (ok so I like to joke to my sister about her being 30...)

ok on with it I guess...

29 things about my sister Kelli.

1. She's the oldest of 3 kids.
2. She's the shortest also of 3 kids.
3. Her middle name is Christine.
4. She suprised us all a year ago Feb when she eloped.
5. She loves being married.
6. She loves to go snow maching.
7. She works as a dialysis technician at the Kidney Center in Pocatello.
8. She just bought her first house this year.
9. She LOVES Tinkerbell.
10. She can be really hard to get along with, unless you know her well.
11. She's one of my closest and dearest friends.
12. I call her Niss but I'm not sure why, or when I started.
13. My kids call her Auntie...because after all she is THE AUNTIE!
14. She's very picky about food.
15. Her favorite color is pink.
16. She failed drivers ed the first time and ended up taking it the second time with me.
17. She has the worse luck with cars and getting in wrecks...every car she's owned has been in once wreck or another.
18. She loves singstar.
19. She's a very silly person when you get her all wired.
20. If she doesn't get her "beauty" sleep she gets VERY cranky.
21. She must always where at least mascara, most of the time she won't leave the house without make up on.
22. She knows me in and out...the good and bad, for the most part.
23. She graduated in 1998.
24. She's really really great with handicap people, she has the most patience.
25. She's always been, and I'm sure will forever be, "Daddy's Little Girl"
26. She was named after the KC and the Sunshine Band.
27. Her and I are only 10.5 months apart.
28. She says she doesn't want kids, but I think she secertly hopes to have the some day.
29. And the best thing about my sister, she's a great person and friend!

Niss, I love you very very much. Thanks for always being there for me and my kids. I love hanging out with you, I only wish I had more time to do so! I miss just being us. I hope you had a great birthday, take advantaged of this next year, it's your last before you get REALLY old! HA HA HA!! j/k. I love ya!!!

love, Nana.

8 years already?

2008-12-15T15:28:00.004-07:00

So I'm advoiding housework right now. I just don't want to do anything but be online for a little bit.....anyways. Today is my 8th wedding anniversary! I just can't belive it's been 8 years already!!! Seems like just yesturday I was saying, "can I unzip your pants?" LOL!!! (ok that's an inside joke if you want to know it then just email me.) It's beyond my mind to belive it's been that long, then again it seems likes it's been FOREVER! LOL. In light of my anniversary I wanted to do a blog about 8 things. 8 Things that have changed over the years, 8 things that I've learned and finally 8 things I love about Bryan......

8 Things that have changed over the years

1. Jordan.
2. Tara.
3. Paige.
4. We have a house.
5. The way I interact with Bryan.
6. The way he interacts with me.
7. How busy our lives have become.
8. How simple we really are.

8 Things I've learned over the years

1. I can't change Bryan no matter how hard I try.
2. Marriage is a give and take, and it cant just be all give or all take.
3. Kids are the best thing in life.
4. All decisions are BIG, even if you don't think it is.
5. Even if I think something is a big deal, Bryan might not.
6. Absense really does make the heart grow founder.
7. Both sides of the family are important.
8. Always say "I love you" when you part.

8 Things I love about Bryan

1. He's a hardworker.
2. He loves to tickle the kids.
3. He's so devoted to scouts.
4. He's a very good friend.
5. He loves me for me.
6. When he get hyper he's silly.
7. He always makes me laugh.
8. He's always wanting to make me happy.

Bry, I can't belive it's been 8 years already! I can't wait to see what happens in another 8 years! It's been a lot of up and downs, but there's no one I'd want to go through life than you! I love you!!!

Things about my family...

2008-12-15T15:13:00.003-07:00

So I started the whole so many things about my family on their bday. I was just going to do just my little family but I've decided to do it for my WHOLE family. So I've missed 2 birthday blogs about those people so I thought since I have a little time I'd do it now. First is Jimmy. He's my sisters husband's little brother. And he lives with them.

15 Things about Jimmy

1. He's a great kid.
2. He is awesome with my kids.
3. He is really good at doing tricks on his bike.
4. He has really good grades.
5. He loves to play video games.
6. He can beat games really quickly.
7. He lives with my sister.
8. He acts A LOT like his big bro Lee.
9. He really wants to take drivers Ed.
10. He's from the Preston area.
11. He's really good with helping you with anything you need.
12. He's one of the BEST people to enter my sisters life.
13. Our family wouldn't be the same without him.
14. He's REALLY tall!
15. And the best thing about Jimmy is, He's in our family and we love him very much!!!!

So Dec is a VERY busy month for my family. We also had my sister in law, Katie's birthday this past Sat.

18 Things about Katie.

1. She's my brother's wife.
2. She's my long lost little sister.
3. I call her Katie Roo....I don't know why though.
4. She LOVES my kids.
5. Paigie loves her almost more than she loves me.
6. She LOVES and I mean LOVES the Twilight series.
7. Her and her mom have the same birthday.
8. She has 2 brothers and 1 sister.
9. She loves being married.
10. She loves chocolate but can't have it cause she's allergic.
11. She wants to be a midwife someday.
12. Her biggest wish is to be a mommy.
13. My kids adore her!
14. She's one of my very best and closest friends.
15. She loves texting.
16. She's the very best thing to happen to my brother.
17. She's the #1 person in my brothers life.
18. And finally, she's in my family! And we love her very much!!

Happy birthday Jimmy and Katie! I'm so glad you guys are in our family!!! We might be a little crazy or nuts here or there but just come along for the ride, I guarantee it'll be worth it!!! Thanks for being great people and such great examples to my kids! They love you both so much! I hope your days were good! Love you both so much!!!!

Holiday Funnies!

2008-12-10T23:04:00.007-07:00

I was going to add these on the side but they wouldn't fit! Gotta love a good laugh!

I love it!!! Well I'm done with my blog for tonight....till another time!

Much Love!

Fill it in.......

2008-12-10T20:21:00.003-07:00

Fill it in!

I am not: the best organizer
I hurt: really bad right now
I love: Bryan, the kids and my family
I hate: being in debt and having no money
I fear: a lot of things
I hope: things will get better soon
I hear: my music being drowned by Tara throwing a fight about going to bed
I crave: choclate mint anything, milky chocolatey minty goodness....yum!
I regret: so many things that seem to always haunt me
I cry: when I can't hold it in anymore
I care: about making sure I'm doing everything I can for my kids to give them the very best life
I always: seem to be in my car
I long to: be debt free, and not have to stress or worry about money
I feel alone: more than I care to admit
I listen: to my music a lot, it's my life line!
I hide: how I truly feel about a lot of things, mostly to protect me
I drive: a really crappy van...lol it works.....
I sing: really badly! HA HA HA!
I dance: when I'm in a good silly mood.
I write: on my blog when I need to get things out.
I breathe: when I try to calm down before getting upset with the kids
I play: world of warcraft....or use to....haven't for a little bit and I actually miss it...
I miss: lol ha ha I totally didn't realize this was the next question! SO I miss...playing WoW with Bryan and also a lot of other things
I search: the internet for these survey things, I love them!
I learn: so much from my kids!
I feel: so stressed and depressed and happy and sad and lonely right now....so weird.
I know: that I wouldn't ever want to live without my family
I say: "no worries" a lot!
I succeed: in very few things, at least it seems that way
I fail: in a lot...again it just feels like I do....at least to me.
I dream: about having another baby, and being in a better bigger house....and having a better life. (really about things I don't think I'll have...if for a long time.)
I sleep: really really good when I listen to my iPod!
I wonder: why does life have to be so hard? Why can't I find a Genie and makes a few wishes?!
I want: a lot of things seceretly.....
I worry: about money more than I care to admit.
I have: the need to go out with some girls for a girls night!
I give: so much to so many people.....
I fight: with me a lot, about things I have to deal with.
I wait: for times to get better
I need: to have a really good fun night with family or friends
I am: first and foremost a mommy!
I think: about what will happen in 5 years....a lot.
I cant help the fact: that I'm me.

So grateful!!!

2008-12-09T20:06:00.002-07:00

So we had a great thing happen to us tonight. Tuesday is my busy day. I'm gone from the time Jordan leaves for school until 5 and it's worse now cause Jordan started bball and has practice so I don't get home till 6pm or after. Anyways we get home from bball practice and there's theses 3 nice Christmas boxes. (on the bottom of one it says "set of 3 $29.99" they are nice and durable.) Anyways no note or anything but inside is food, shampoo, baby lotion, treats for each of the kids, toliet paper, bath wash for me, tissues and my fav home made jam! I'm so shocked and so curious as to who this would be from. And also SO grateful for it! Everything in that box was something that I knew we needed/wanted but couldnt afford right now! Anyways I was thinking it can't be the key club or our town or kiwanas, we've gotten their packages over the years and they always have bread and a ham or turkey and a note and these don't have that. I feel so blessed by it. I was in tears. And it was so neat and such a special time cause the kids saw them there and we went through them together and they just didn't know what was going on. It was so special to explain to them about how people do this and help people out in need, and we explained it was like us putting a little change here or there in the salvation army cans, or donating extra food cans we have that need to get eaten. Jordan kept smiling and Tara looked and me and said, "That's nice mommy. I wanna be nice too." It just made me so so grateful. Yes there's a lot of bad things in the world right now and a lot of things going on but when people do this and provide me with these fantastic memories I just can't even express my graditude for that. It made my day and made my kids think about something other than them and getting gifts. It was so specail! I just wanted to share that with you! It was awesome I wish I knew who did it so I could send them a thank you note for so many things. Anyways it's time for bed, all the kids just went down and I'm ready to cuddle with dh and watch biggest loser!

Much love to you all!

So true about me.....

2008-12-07T19:44:00.001-07:00

I'm a Doris!

You are a Doris -- "I must help others."

Dorises are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me

* Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.

* Share fun times with me.

* Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.

* Let me know that I am important and special to you.

* Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships

* Reassure me that I am interesting to you.

* Reassure me often that you love me.

* Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Doris

* being able to relate easily to people and to make friends

* knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better

* being generous, caring, and warm

* being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings

* being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Doris

* not being able to say no

* having low self-esteem

* feeling drained from overdoing for others

* not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish

* criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should

* being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them

* working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Dorises as Children Often

* are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism

* try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding

* are outwardly compliant

* are popular or try to be popular with other children

* act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention

* are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Dorises), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Dorises)

Dorises as Parents

* are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)

* are often playful with their children

* wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"

* can become fiercely protective

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

From Bryan's blog.....about me...

2008-12-03T16:44:00.001-07:00

This is from Bryan's blog. He posted this about me.....Anyways check out his blog at www.bshigihara.blogspot.com

Old Fogey
So, since my 30th birthday was this past Saturday, the 1st of November, there have been several people that seem to find it extremely funny to call me an old fogey. The ironic part is, the people that call me that are older than I am. Anyway, for those of you who haven't reached this golden age where your body decides that it wants to start doing different things than it's done in the past, like sagging in certain areas of the torso and thinking that the trees have it right in changing colors with the seasons and your body thinks that changing your hair color to gray or silver is definately keeping with the current fashion, here's a helpful tip as you get ready to turn 30. It's no different that being 20 except maybe, I repeat, maybe you're a little wiser. Let's face it, your body starts to make these changes before you're 30 and now your mind is just catching up with the signals your other departments have been sending it for the last 5 years or so. I guess the mentality of a teenager doesn't go away when you hit 20 after all.
Now that I've explained my mental and physical state, I'll move on with the much more important reason that I logged on to this blog tonight. In honor of my birthday, my beloved wife, Dana, posted 30 great reasons that she loves me. One for each year that I've been counted among the living, if only physically. So I have decided to return the favor and do the same for her. Ok, fine, I admit that she told me that it was my turn to reciprocate the favor and I would feel really guilty if I didn't since she asked me to and all. So here goes....

28 Random and interesting things about Dana:
1. She loves me for who I am and not for who she wants me to be.
2. She is the greatest mom my kids could have.
3. She puts up with me despite my many failings.
4. She likes to play WoW (World of Warcraft) with me.
5. She makes some of the cutest hair bows around.
6. She is VERY close to her family.
7. She keeps me from doing things that aren't necessary.
8. She is selfless.
9. She would do anything for those she loves.
10. She doesn't give up on things that she wants.
11. Her birthday is on Halloween but she devotes her time to the kids instead of focusing on her birthday.
12. She makes me laugh at least once a day.
13. She loves music.
14. She plays the trumpet.
15. She is the glue that keeps our family together.
16. She's obsessed with the internet, in a good way of course.
17. She's better at this blog thing than I am.
18. She LOVES the High School Musical franchise.
19. She doesn't like red meat, except for the occasional Big Mac now and then.
20. Her favorite color is purple.
21. She was born in Blackfoot and raised in the Snake River area.
22. Loves being a mom.
23. Her best birthday presents this year were Jordan losing his first tooth and Paige saying "Love you".
24. She has an older sister, Kelli, and a younger brother, Kilby. She also has an "adopted" younger sister in Kilby's wife, Katie.
25. She loves dressing Tara and Paige up and making them match.
26. All 3 kids have her wrapped around their fingers, and me wrapped around hers.
27. She gave up some friendships for me and our relationship. I'm not sure I'll ever know how much that really affected her.
28. Last, but not least, she's all mine!!!!

Love ya dearly Dana.

Bryan

New family pictures!!!

2008-12-01T19:38:00.006-07:00

Ok so these aren't the greatest, but they work. Whenever you mention "family pictures" everyone in my family automatically gets grumpy. It's like it's what goes hand in hand, like pie and ice cream, cheese and pizza, big mac and dr pepper (ha ha) milk and cookies.....anyways you get the point. Anyways we needed to take a few new pictures for my Grandma Tena for a quilt she is making. You know some day I'd love to be able to have them professionally done....but for now this works.....

First you have my parents:

Kilby (my brother) and his wife, Katie (My BFF)

Kelli (my sister and other BFF) Her Hubby, Lee and their "son" he lives with them...(aka Lee's baby bro) Jimmy (whom the my kids can't get enough of!
)

The Shiggies! HEE HEE I love saying that! We the 5 shiggies of Shelley, we the 5 shiggies of Shelley! LOL I could make up a song!!!

My whole fam! Crazy to think there's so many of us! Ha ha I LOVE my dad's face! It;s total him! (Love ya dad!!!! Ok really I love you all so very very VERY much!)

I haven't fell off the earth, at least yet!

2008-11-28T20:21:00.005-07:00

I've been so stinkin busy lately! It's just so crazy. I knew I was busy but I didn't realize I was as busy as I am. How did I find out you might ask? My dad asked if he needed to schedule with me to get in my birthday dinner. LOL! Remind you my bday was almost a month ago!!! I'm like dang I guess so. Anyways, we're now into the holiday season! I love this time of year! I just think it's one of the best times. This and 4th of July!!! There's so much going on and so much to look forward to! I got up this morning at 130AM to do my traditional Black Friday shopping with my sister. We did really well. I got everything I wanted and only have 3 people to shop for, out of 10! AND I was home by 1030!!! That's a new record! Although I love Black Friday and the great deals, I have to say that I don't go to get all the worldly posessions, I go to have fun and enjoy the moment. I love the excitement with Black Friday shopping. I'm amazed, however, how many people really just go for the wordly posessions. It's sad to me really. I think that when saving 5, 10, or even 100 dollars is more important than saving another human being then that's where you've crossed the line. I'm saddened by the news across the united states of different things happeneing on Black Friday. The man that was trampled to death in NY, the shooting at Toys R Us in SoCal, and many years ago the trampling of an elderly lady in Idaho Falls. It really upsets me to think that people don't see this time of year for it's true meaning. Although I do like to get everything I like, it's not worth it to me to change my morals or do something I might regret later. So in light of this great time I want to say, HAPPY HOLIDAYS to everyone! Please everyone remember the TRUE meaning of Christmas. I pray that we all will have a safe and happy holiday season. There's SO much to be grateful for! Thanks to everyone that's kept up with my blog. It's so nice to know there's people that come and visit my blog!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

Much Love!

30 Things about my love, Bryan.

2008-11-05T19:28:00.002-07:00

So I came across this from a friends blog and I just loved the idea I wanted to do it with my family. When it's someone's bday I want to write 30 things about them that you might not know or realize. SO since Bryan turned 30 on sat I'm going to start with him. I know I know I'm a little late but my life is crazy! Here we go!

30 random/interesting things about my love, Bryan.

1. He loves to play WoW, for those of you who don't know what WoWis, it stands for World of Warcraft.
2. He's favorite moves are the older Star Wars.
3. He was born in Rupert.
4. Hes deaf in his right birth and has been since birth.
5. He dreams of being in law enforcement, but probably never will be because of his deaf ear.
6. He's really REALLY good at anything computer related.
7. He was hired at Chesbro 4 days before I had Jordan.
8. He loves going hunting and shooting.
9. He's a great tickler!
10. He loves being a dad.
11. He works part time as a cook at Lazy D's (the resturant next to the theater here in Shelley.)
12. He has 1 younger brother (Greg), 1 younger sister (Keri) and 1 older sister (Lisa)
13. He loves to play RPGs. (Role Play Games....think Dungeons and Dragons...)
14. He loves to ride his bike.
15. He looks SO hot and cute in his leather gear for his bike!
16. He loves reading, mostly sci fi.
17. He's way into poitics.
18. One of his favorite stations to listen to is talk radio on am.
19. He loves classical music.
20. He's favorite color is Black.
21. He plays the saxaphone.
22. He lived on a farm growing up.
23. He makes some killer dutch oven meals!!!
24. He loves being in scouts.
25. His greatest accomplistment in scouts is going to Woodbadge this past summer.
26. He loves to teach Jordan all the "guy" things.
27. He does a great bwhahahaha laugh! Serious, ask him to do it!
28. Tara and Paige have him wrapped around their fingers!
29. He almost made it in the Marines but was stopped because of his ear.
30. He has gray hair! HA HA HA what a great way to end? ok seriously, I love him so much!!!

Bryan, I love you so much babe! You're so important to me and the kids! We're so greatful for everything you do! Thanks for taking care of us and making us laugh daily!!! Here's to 30 more great years!!!!

much love!

Days of disappointments....

2008-11-05T19:23:00.002-07:00

So lately I have just had a lot of things happen. It seems like my days are filled with disappointments. Most of it could be from me, or rather my attitude. I have just felt like crap lately and just so stressed, and depressed, and even more so very very VERY cranky! I don't know what my deal is but its really starting to get old! Why do I chose to hold such high standards to everything I do? I know very well when I do that that I'll let myself, or others, down. I wonder if it's just me? Is that just the way I am? And if so how do I learn to be anything different? So many things to ponder, so many things to think on and try to change. Change. Such a simple word, yet SO hard to do it. I'm thinking right now about everything that soon will happen with this great country. I will be the first to admit that I am not really happy with how our great nation voted, nor am I happy with who will soon be running this country. I'm so afraid of what can and most likely will happen. So many people just left wondering, what now? I must admit though, that even if I don't care for the leadership that soon will be in place, I am willing to see it through and hope that it won't be, as my life is these days, a disppointment.

much love!

Vulnerable......

2008-10-18T09:47:00.006-07:00

I normally don't go into how I fell most of the time. It's normally what's going on in my life and the kids and Bryan that I talk about. But today I have decieded to just open up a little. I have several good friends, and family, that read this and I guess it's time to just open up to some degree. I've been dealing with A LOT! It's been really really hard. I have had such a hard time trying to deal with it. If you really really know me then you know that I keep everything in as much as I can. I'm very very guarded, I've had to be for various reasons. It's one of the things that drives Bryan crazy, I just don't know how to be any other way really. Anyways so I found this really great song that so fits me these days. It's called "Changes" by 3 Doors Down. It just fits me cause my life really is changing. I mean there's so many things I've had to just adjust to with kids growing up and life in general. Anyways I wanted to post the lyrics and song (the one playing).....

"Changes"

I'm not suposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am

I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)

I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs

There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

I try to hold this Under control

They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes

God, I feel so frustrated latelyWhen I get suffocated, save me

Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone

Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone

I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn

It feels like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world

I try to hold this Under control

They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes

God, I feel so frustrated lately

When I get suffocated, save me

Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm blind and shakin'

Bound and breakingI hope I make it through all these changes

Now I'm going through changes, changes

God, I feel so frustrated lately

When I get suffocated, save me

Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it

But I'm going through changes, changes

God, I feel so frustrated lately

And I get suffocated, I hate this

But I'm going through changes, changes

Anyways that's me opening up a little bit. I'm hoping that I can continue to just open up to people. Just posting this has helped lift a little weight, it's strange really. Anyways I have to get to cleaning and thinking......thanks for reading...

Much Love.

Lots of things.

2008-10-15T15:30:00.008-07:00

So I've updated my blog with a few posts so read them all....anyways here's some new pictures and such. OH and I wanted to put also that Bryan now has a blog, although not updated much...here's the link.

http://bshigihara.blogspot.com/

Paige just playing at Tara's bday party.

Tara's first day at preschool!!

Just waiting to meet her teacher!

A cute picture of my Beara girl.

She was sick and finally fell asleep on the couch, can you tell she LOVES kitties?! Kitty jammies, and tons of "marie's" also she had kitty panties on and had her kitty pillow and blanket! LOL.

Paigie wanted to wake Jordan up for school and tackled him and then decided it was better to just give him loves.

The girls at spud day waiting for Jordan to come by.

Jordan after the bike parade on Spud Day.

Ok here's a video of Jordan riding his bike in the spud day bike parade. I'll warn you now I had just figured out, ok remembered, that my digital camera will take videos so I really STINK at it....but anyways you get the idea......

All about me.

2008-10-15T14:53:00.002-07:00

I got this from another board I'm on and I just love it so I wanted to post it...

I am: a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend.
I know: The Church is true.
I want: a lot of things I can't have.
I have: the stupid stomach bug right now.
I dislike: my weight and me in general.
I miss: being worry free.
I feel: sad and depressed right now.
I hear: my lifesaving iTunes music!
I smell: the stupid air freshners I liked last week but now HATE!
I crave: oreos or Stephens choclate mint truffle hot cocoa. Maybe together? YUMMY!
I cry: when I finally can't hold all of it in......and need to explode.
I search: for my mind but I still can't find it! LOL!
I wonder: when things will get easier........
I regret: so many things, like getting into debt.
I love:my family
I care: deeply for my kids, husband, and my family!
I worry: so much about money and lack thereof.
I remember: when Jordan was a baby....
I believe: in miracles
I dance: to kids songs more than adult songs!
I don't: say, "I need help" enough.
I argue: only when I know I'm right
I write: on my blogs when I have time.
I win: somethings on McDonalds Monopoly! HA HA.
I lose: my mind and patient a lot.
I wish: so many things could happen! Where's that genie when I need him?!
I listen: to music a lot.
I can usually be found: at my computer or in my van.
I am scared: of losing Bryan, the kids, or my family.
I need: so much help but won't ask for it.
I forget: just about everything.....ha ha.
I am happy: when I listen to music.

Still so busy!

2008-10-14T20:53:00.002-07:00

I'm still so freaking busy. I have so much going on that I hardly have time to be home and clean. It's a lot. Anyways sorry I haven't updated anything lately. I've just hardly had time. I'm getting ready to do an open house with my friend that's making bows. So if you of are in need of bows and such let me know. I'll have information on that coming here before too long. She has a website. I had it but I can't remember it. Anyways I'll be updating before too long!

much love!!!!

BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-20T20:39:00.001-07:00

Ok so my title is a HUGE understatement! I'm just running like crazy! It seems like I'm hardly ever home! It's really crazy right now. My phone died this last week, most of you know, and I had Bryan's which was awesome of him! (thanks babe!) But it's SSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOO nice to have MY OWN phone back! Anyways I'm hoping to update things tomorrow! I'm off to play World of Warcraft!

much love!

Funny things....

2008-09-01T11:20:00.003-07:00

You'd think with a day "off" I'd be cleaning and such but today I just have the um what's the word I'm looking for? The need? want? whatever....to just sit on my butt and be lazy!!! I've been SO busy and such that it feels oh so good to do NOTHING at all!!!!! Anyways so I've been updating a lot of things (the kids sites are next) and I found this cool site to do cool family stickers...anyways here's my little family then my family....

A few pictures....

2008-08-31T21:13:00.005-07:00

I guess I haven't taken very many pictures....Anyways here's a few from Jordan's first day of 1st grade....lol.

He looks SO small standing infront of his school!!!

Where'd my baby go?!

My by far FAV pic of Jordan!!! Don't you love his BLUE mowhawk?!?!!?

Holy busy life batman!!!!!!

2008-08-31T20:48:00.003-07:00

To say my life is busy is the biggest understatment!!!!! It's been INSANE lately. I just have been running NON stop since Jordan started school!!!! I'm trying to remember everything that I need to update on here. I'm hoping to get updates on the kids's sites tonight too. And maybe even some updated pictures! *gasp* Anyways I did ok with Jordan going to school and Katie and Kilb moving. I still have yet to break down with that. Anyways I think it's cause I've just stayed so busy. I've been trying for awhile to get a job. I had applied at The Ribbon Retreat and with no luck. So I thought I'll try at the school. So I did and got a call do come in as noon duty. I thought coolio. At first they said I could bring the girls and such. I *sounded* like it would work so well. I mean I can take the girls so no babysitter, I'm there with Jordan, and I get the same time off he does. HOWEVER, as most of us know things are never what they seem like at first. It ended up being I couldn't take the girls, at least Paigie, it just wasn't as easy as it sounded. I HATED having to split my day in half. I couldn't go do something in the morning cause I had to be there by 11 and I couldn't really do anything in the afternoon cause I got off at 1. So anyways I ended up giving notice that I didn't want to work. They NEEDED (ok still need) the help so I said I'd stay there till they found someone, about a week or so. Well I went to get stuff filled out to get paid and they said I couldn't work until I had a background check and finger prints done. So I got to leave earlier than planned, which is great!! Anyways so that's over and it was crazy. I'm still working at the apple and I'm hoping that I can get a shift leader postion. Um what else? Here in the next week my Tara starts preschool *stares in shock* and so I'll be busy running around like a mad woman! I've also agreed to help out at Jordan's school. So I'll have Jordan's things and his school, Tara's preschool and speech theapry, Paigies thearpy, the apple and anything else going on. It's just CRAZY!!! Anyways I'm hardly ever home. I've been told I'm one of THE hardest people to get ahold of, and I really am. I don't mean to be, so to those who read this and think that I'm SORRY!!! I want to be home and not be so busy, trust me it would be heaven but I just am not. My one reason for it is this, if I have the means to make my kids life better, including making mine a little more busier, shouldn't I do it? My thoughts are yes so I am....Anyways I'm hoping to update every sunday on here, ha we'll see how long that lasts! I'm off to upload pictures.......

much love!

So much right now!!!!

2008-08-13T07:36:00.001-07:00

Since I have SO much going on right now I'm just going to post something I posted on my LDS group from last night. I'll bb later to update....

hi girls im hardly going to be on at all this week. it's a really long and busy week and a VERY emtional one for me. I'm just having a hard time right now. I'll start at the beginning first off im doing much better it was just a 24 hr bug....um what else is going on? i didnt get that job that i wanted to, bryan found out he cant get his job he wanted and dreamed to cause he is deaf in one ear, jordan starts school in 2 days, paigie is now a daddy's girl and refuses to go to me, tara's bday is in like 2 weeks and then she'll start preschool, and my brother and his wife, whom are both my best friends are moving! By next monday i'm going to have a break down! I KNOW this is all probably for the good but it's just so hard on me. i mean kilby and katie (my bro and sil) are such an important part of my life as well as my kids. to not have them around will be SO hard!!!! not just for me but my kids. but they need to move off spread their wings and not rely on so many people, mainly me. and i need to get some space too, as much as i dont want to admit it i do.but holy cow am i going to miss them!!!!!!!! anyways i spent all of today packing and cleaning tomorrow is move day...so im headed to bed! g'night girls ill update when i can!

ARGH!

2008-07-29T21:56:00.002-07:00

Ok I have really sucked at this whole keeping up with things but for the life of me I just can NOT keep up with well LIFE! LOL As funny as that might sounds I really can't. It's the truth! It seems like I'm ALWAYS running from the time I get up to the time I hit the pillow. It's one thing after another after another! I've been doing this driving thing and putting in a lot, ok what I thought was a lot, of hrs...then with working at the apple and thearpies and such...UGH! I just can't keep up. My house is horid! I hope no one comes to visit cause they'll just have to see the mess..........anyways I just had to say that life is busy and I'll be back in a few weeks, I hope!

much love!

Quick update and MORE pictures!!!!!

2008-07-20T16:36:00.004-07:00

Well things have been crazy here....I've been doing this work at home...ok work in the car thing. I work for skyhook wireless. I drive around with the pda and it tracks gps of wireless so they know how good the coverage is. I've liked it. I get paid pretty good only problem is I spend A LOT and I mean A LOT of time in my car. The kids are ok until we get to hour like 3 or 4....anyways it's been going good. The countdown has began for first grade. As crazy and depressing as it is. It's kinda funny to see the different prospectives on going to first grade. Jordan counts down and gets more and more excited, I count down and get more and more depressed! LOL!!! I don't know why but for some reason him going to first grade, and Tara going to preschool is throwing me for a loop. I'm have a HARD time with it! I guess I'll just have to find a hoby or some friends that don't mind me being mopey all the time...anyways that's a quick update....here's some new pictures!

Jordan's new mohawk!

Tara bear on 4th of July

Paigie on 4th of July

Jordan on 4th of July

The kids! Aren't the cute?!?!!

Jordan and Tara! I love how close they are! It reminds me of Kilb and I!

My video for my loves

2008-07-13T15:38:00.002-07:00

I just did a new video montage for my kids. The link is to the right under my videos. Check it out!

So freaking busy!!!!

2008-07-12T22:33:00.002-07:00

I have been so freaking busy lately!! I mean not just a little but A LOT!!! It's amazing I even have time to sleep. I've been doing one thing after another after another...Most of you know I work at the apple in the treehouse....Anyways my contract is up in Sept but I'm trying to get enough hours I can have a few weeks off in Aug. Since school starts and I'm preparing to take on the Shelley school district....anyways I've been working mon, wed, fri there then I have speech therapy on thurs for tara and tues is paigies different thearpies...to top it all off I've been doing this work at home, ok work in the car thing. I got a job working for this company where I drive around in ALL the streets in Idaho Falls and just track gps. It's just so much work. You wouldnt think driving around would be that much but when you spend 8 hrs going around and around it's gets to be a little much. I've been trying to get 35 hrs a week in. that's a lot when you add up everything. So I've just neglected my house and such. But I have time tonight. Bryan's gone to a gaming convenntion.....anyways. crap I was going to type something else out and I forgot it. Stupid mommy brain anyways....well quick I'll just remind you all I've updated everything. All the kids sites and my weightloss blog....I guess I'll call it a night!

much love!!

SO freaking funny!!!!

2008-07-07T19:38:00.002-07:00

I was on a friends blog and she had posted these and I thought they were so funny I'd post them for you!!!! You'll love it!!!

Sick of life right now....

2008-06-27T13:58:00.002-07:00

I'm so just depressed right now. I'm sick of life and sick of things that have happened. I've been holding these feeling in for so long that today I had something happened that broke the camels back......I had planned to do something just me and a friend and her kids. Well then she calls and said she planned something else and wondered if I wanted to come. I kept thinking what about what I planned with you? Anyways I thought whatever cause the other people she planned something with had to be home by 3 so I thought cool we'll just do something after that. Well now they changed their plans....I'm just so upset right now. Not really at that per say but that just made it worse. I sit here crying thinking I wish.....I know I'm probably over reacting but still. If someone plans something with you and you're ok, I think it's rude to just throw those plans out the window and plan something else.....I feel so alone right now. I have had so much going on and been left out of so many things I just feel like it's just me and the kids......I don't know.....I just need a really good cry right now......but as usual that will have to wait.......thanks for listening, not that anyone does.........

Annoyed.....

2008-06-24T22:36:00.002-07:00

well I jsut got back from camping for a week....it was nice to get away......anyways lately...ok for the last year... I've had a really hard time with kidney pains. I just thought it was cause it was taking me longer to heal after having Paigie. Well finally I got sick of it and decieded to get some tests done. I had my liver and kidney function tested, they tested normal. I got my thyroid and parathyroid tested, again normal. My blood sugars are normal....everything is normal. What's even more annoying is that they can medcially show I'm having kidney infections, pain, stones, and problems, but they can NOT find out WHY I'm having them. Are you with me and want to say, WHAT?!?! Yeah I'm just so fustrated with it. I'm sick of having all this pain. While I sit here and type this I'm almost in tears because of the pain in my kidneys. I just hurt so bad!!! Pain pilss dont effect me anymore cause I've had so much of them.....WWWAAAAHHH!!! Anyways I think I'm going to go and ask what my numbers where. With the parathyroid you can have normal numbers on one thing but not another and still have problems. Here's a site on the parathyroid.... (http://www.parathyroid.com/) most people don't know about it. Anyways I'm just sick of this and want something to change, but not sure if it's going to. IF you have any information on something I should try just drop me a line, I'm up for anything right now......

much love!

TONS pictures!

2008-06-08T16:10:00.008-07:00

Well I've got TONS of pictures here....I'm off to update the other sites! Much love!

Jordan at the disel pulls

Paigie with pig tails, she looks like such a big girl!
Jordan after his last soccer game with his metal
Tara on one of those bouncy things
Jordan getting ready to come down a HUGE slide

Kelli's hubby Lee's brother jimmy Katie and Tara
Kelli and lee
My dad eating before the disel pulls, man I love that guy!
Like father like son??? Dad and kilb
Kilby, I LOVE this picture of him!

my dad and Tara
Tara bear!
Jordan!
Kelli and Lee, a total LEE FACE!
Attack of the Paigie!

I was trying to get a picture of Katie and me but forgot about the zoom being on...still a good picture...
They look so much alike! Dad and kilb
Me and my sis....
the girls! me, katie (kilb's wife) and my sis Kelli
Jordan showing me his hot wheel arm painting....he didn't want the itchy stuff on his face! LOL

My tara kitty!
Tara holding a baby bunny, she wanted to take it home!
me and the kids! (ugh I'm F-A-T!!!)
Kilb and Katie, I love those guys SO much!!!

I'm SO busy and behind on things!

2008-06-02T10:22:00.002-07:00

Well things have just gotten busier. I thought when Jordan got out of school I'd have enough time to get things done...YA RIGHT! Anyways I ended up wanting to do a lot of yard projects, thus making my house suffer, at least on the inside! As well as anything online. Anyways I just wanted to say I'm so busy! I'm hoping to get to updating things online here within a week or so! Stay with me, I'm just trying to get things done in the yard while the weather is nice! Hope all is well with everyone!

much love!